Best. Survivor. Ever.

Survivor master

I've been rooting for Amanda all season, but after last night's episode, I think Cirie deserves to win. She proved that she is the strongest "outwit" player ever. It's been like watching a master at work all season, and last night was her crowning achievement.

The amazing part is that she's managed to instigate so many people getting voted off, and yet I don't think she has any enemies on the jury. She has a way of putting ideas out there in such a way that it seems like they were thought up by the group, or by someone else, leaving her unscathed.

Hating On Comcast and Major League Baseball (Again)

(Gym: yes)

The good news is that the Cubs made the playoffs. The bad news is that I apparently won't be able to watch the games in HD. For the first time, major league baseball's TV contract calls for the first round to be aired (cabled?) almost entirely on TBS. That in and of itself isn't a problem since I (and most other people) have cable. The proble is that, at least in The Hbg, Comcast doesn't carry TBS in HD. There have been rumors for a while that Comcast will be adding TBS HD to systems around the country before the playoffs, but so far the only place I've seen that confirmed is in Boston.

I called Comcast this morning and got a surprisingly helpful CSR who checked and told me that it is "in the works" but no date has been set for it to be added. So, it looks like, for the first time in three years, I won't be able to watch the playoffs in HD. It's not a huge deal -- I mean, I'll still be able to see the games -- but it does sort of suck that, in pursuit of the almighty dollar, MLB has seen fit to downgrade the quality of its playoff coverage. That ain't right.

(By the way, I'm not alone -- according to Consumerist, Comcast Chicago hasn't added TBS HD yet, either.)

[UPDATE 2:40 PM]: I've already gotten a bunch of search hits today from people looking forinfo on TBS HD and Comcast, from around the country. So, does anyone have TBS HD on their Comcast system? And if so, can I come over on Wednesday?

756, Barry Bonds, and Beating A Dead Horse

No, the horse in question has nothing to do with steroids.

First of all, congratulations to Barry Bonds for becoming the MLB home run king. I lived in the Bay Area in the late 1990s and saw Bonds in person more times than I can count. The year he hit 73 home runs, we went to close to 20 games and I swear it wasn't until August that we went to a game where he didn't hit a homer. Leaving aside the question of what substances he may have used to aid him, I feel privileged to have seen the greatest home run hitter in major league history up close (And I do mean up close, thanks to our friend Art's incredible seats) numerous times.


Photo of the swing, taken by Brady and available on Flickr.

For all the Giants fans out there, I'm sure it was a nice moment last night, when Bonds hit a ball deep into right-center field to break the record, and the scoreboard played a message from Hank Aaron, with Willie Mays and Bonds' family on the field to celebrate with him.

I wish I could have seen it. But, thanks to MLB's asinine blackout rules, I couldn't. As I've posted about numerous times before, I live in an area where four teams, the Pirates, Phillies, Nationals, and Orioles, are blacked out. That meant that last night's game, broadcast on ESPN2, wasn't available to me, even though I don't get Nationals games OTA or on my cable system. In fact, when you look at the map of MLB blackouts, you can see that the Nationals' blackout area covers all or part of six states.

That's all of the District of Columbia, Maryland, Delaware, and Virginia, and parts of West Virginia, Pennsylvania, and North Carolina. By my estimates, this area covers a population of over 22,000,000. I have no way of knowing how many of those people get Nats games OTA or on their cable or dish systems, but I guarantee you it's less than half. If people living in Harrisburg, 120 miles from Washington, don't get the games, what are the chances that people living in Charlotte, 400 miles away, do?

I and many others have railed for years about the MLB blackout rules, which are both arbitrary and unfair. I don't begrudge a blackout system -- local television channels generate revenue from their airing of MLB games, and I understand their right to protect that in their territories. But preventing people outside those ares from watching games is counter-productive, and actively hurts MLB.

Here's how the blackouts should work. If you get a channel, either over the air or on your cable or dish system that broadcasts a team's games, that team's games should be blacked out on Extra Innings, ESPN, etc. If you can't receive a team's games on a local channel, that team's games should be available to you. It's that simple.

Here in Harrisburg, that would mean the Phillies would continue to be blacked out, since we get Phillies games on CW15 and Comcast SportsNet. The Pirates, Orioles, and Nationals games should be made available to us, at least until Comcast decides to carry MASN in PA like it's supposed to.

This would open up large areas of the country to see lots more games, which would build allegiances and create new fans, and it would be done without hurting the revenue streams of the local broadcasters or the teams themselves. In fact, I'd wager it would increase attendance (and therefore revenue), since a person would be much more likely to drive to see a team in person if he's had the opportunity to watch the team on TV.

As long as this ridiculousness persists, people are going to complain about it. Major League Baseball, it's time to start paying attention, make some changes, and stop alienating the very people who have made the league the success it is today.

Jon Stewart : Dane Cook :: Patton Oswalt : Louis C.K.

I hate to mention comedy God Jon Stewart in the same breath as no-talent hack Dane Cook, but after watching Thursday night's Daily Show they seem to have at least one thing in common: ripping off another comic's material.

As part of the Daily Show bit on food on the campaign trail, Stewart went into a riff, in Bill Clinton's voice, about Clinton's desire to take his chicken and tea, mash it up, put it in a blender, and inject it into his eye:



Funny stuff. It was even funnier, though, last year, when Patton Oswalt did his bit about the KFC customer who wanted his chicken, potatoes, and corn put in a bowl, mashed up, and ideally put into a blender and injected into his femoral artery:



Seeing how Oswalt has been doing this joke for a while (including at a show that was broadcast on Comedy Central), and it's the first track on his new album 'Werewolves and Lollipops,' I imagine someone in The Daily Show's writers' room must have been familiar with it. So it's a shame they felt it was OK to essentially re-purpose it for Stewart, at least without giving a shout-out to Oswalt.

MLB Extra Innings' Misleading Advertising

MLB is airing a "free preview" of its Extra Innings service right now, with lots of ads telling you how you can sign up for the rest of the season.

I believe the ad they are running is deceptive at best, and fraudulent at worst. A line in the commercial says:

"You can watch your team's games no matter where you live."

This is blatantly false. As I and many others have pointed out, there are large areas of the country where various teams' games cannot be seen, and these areas do not correspond to areas where those games can be seen on other outlets. So for Major League Baseball to claim that you can watch "your team's" games "no matter where you live" is bull. If you're a Pirates fan in Harrisburg, or a Cubs fan in Des Moines, or a fan of any NL West team in Las Vegas, you're out of luck.

This ad is running with some sort of scrolling disclaimer at the bottom of it. The thing is, the disclaimer is in such small print, and scrolls by so quickly, that it is impossible to read. For all I know, it says "do not taunt Happy Fun Ball." It certainly does not outline the significant exceptions to the claim being made in the ad.

Who should I complain to about this? The Consumerist, obviously, and MLB (not that that will make a difference). Other than that, who? The BBB? The state Consumer Affairs department? My congressman? Emails are written, ready to be sent; I can call as many people as necessary. This aggression will not stand.

What If You Already Know Both Devils, And They Both Suck?

I need to go take a shower, I think, because I just agreed to give more business to Comcast.

(Results 1 - 10 of about 703,000 for comcast sucks)

I opened my Comcast bill this morning and saw that it had gone up by about twenty bucks (one of the disadvantages of paying bills by auto-pay is that these sorts of things can happen without noticing, if you're not paying attention, which I often am not). So I called customer service and found out that the promotional deal I had, whereby I was getting HBO for free as well as a discount on my digital service, had expired. Not surprising, seeing how it was a two-year deal and we moved here about two years ago.

So I started talking to the sales rep about what he could do to lower my bill, since honestly we were pretty much at the high end of what we could justify for cost of television, and another 20 bucks would have put us on the road to Dish Network. The rep started pitching me the Comcast Triple Play (cable, phone and Internet) deal, which I had been interested in but had not paid too much attention to because the Comcast web site said it was for new customers only.

My rep, Dan (at extension 98Z), assured me that this was not the case. As much as I hate Comcast (and honestly, with the exception of the MLB Extra Innings BS earlier this year, they hadn't done anything to me specifically -- I basically hate them due to my daily reading of The Consumerist), the idea of getting all three services from one company was appealing, and even more appealing was the ability to extricate myself from my current phone & Internet provider, Verizon. Again, Verizon hadn't done anything to me specifically, but they had done plenty to plenty of other people, and I hated them in sympathy.

(Results 1 - 10 of about 1,140,000 for verizon sucks)

We went over what I currently had (number of TVs, HD, DVR, etc.) and came up with a price that, when you compared it to what I was currently paying for cable (through Comcast) and phone and Internet (through Verizon), was about fifty bucks a month cheaper. Not a bad deal, especially because it included more premium channels than what I currently get. Plus, I had the MLB Extra Innings package, and if I had switched to Dish, I would have lost that for the rest of the year.

I went over exactly how much everything would cost, what I would get as far as phone service, Internet, thanked him for his time, and hung up. Of course I had to talk this over with D-Jo, and once I did and we agreed to make the change I called him back.

This is where things start to go my way. I dial, someone answers, and I ask for extension 98Z. "That's me," the guy says, which is interesting because when he answered the phone, he didn't say his name was Dan. No big deal -- I used to work in phone sales and we used to make up names all the time. it's an easy way to track leads.

Anyway, I tell him I just spoke to him and wasnt to sign up for the Triple Play deal. "No problem," he says. I go through my personal info again so he can pull up my account. "And which offer did you want to go with?" he asks. I decide, for one of the few times in my life, to keep my mouth shut, and it works out well. The next thing he saus is, "was it $129 a month?"

As a matter of fact, it wasn't -- he had, not 10 minutes before, quoted me $159 a month, which is a little higher than the $99 a month Comcast advertises, but I figured what with the multiple TVs and the HD and stuff that I wasn't going to get the $99 deal. But I like $129 better than $159!

"Yes it was," I tell him. And then I go down the list of everything we talked about before, to make sure that, at this price, I'm still going to get everything we talked about earlier. He agrees, starts the sale process, and I start thinking about the additional $30/month Comcast just put in my pocket. I know that salesmen for these sorts of companies are allowed to reduce prices as they see fit, and of course the second thing that goes through my mind (after "Thirty bucks! Score!") is that I should have said that we agreed on $99/month.

But I'm not greedy. And besides, we'll see if it all works out as well as it seems. I'm planning on any number of hidden fees, startup costs, equipment rental charges, and whatnot to show up on my bill, not to mention the fact that I figure there is absolutely no way the installer will actually show up when he's supposed to (if he doesn't, there's a theoretical $20 credit waiting for me). And I'd say the chances of my phone and/or Internet being off for some portion of the next two weeks (Between now and when the install is scheduled to happen) are about 50/50. But hey, I'll be paying $90/month less than I did this month. Beers are on me!

Wimbledon

With the house to myself this weekend, I spent more time watching tennis than I probably have over the last ten years combined. When I was in college, the French Open often took place during the dead days right around finals, so I watched that tournament just about every year, but I rarely had the time or inclination to watch much Wimbledon. This year was different

I watched Venus Williams overpower Marion Bartoli on Satuday, and that was entertaining, but Sunday's men's final between Federer and Nadal was one of the best tennis matches I have ever seen. I actually took a break after the first three sets because I was getting drained watching it, something that hasn't happened while watching sports on TV since my Cubs-obsessed days. Even John McEnroe, announcing the match for NBC, was reduced to simply exclaiming, "how great was that??!?" on numerous occasions. I really feel like I lucked into one of those matches for the ages that come along only every several years.

Nadal really appears to have stepped up his game and gave Federer his biggest Wimbledon challenge ever. After winning the first set in a tiebreaker, Federer seemed a little flat-footed in the second and Nadal ended up breaking him to win 6-4. He bounced back in the third, winning in another tiebreaker. After getting his knee taped in the fourth set he slowed down a bit, but was quickly back on his game, hitting winning shots from just about everywhere on the court. He had his chances to win the match, too, as he took Federer to his first fifth set at Wimbledon in six years. He had two break points in consecutive Federer service games but couldn't convert, and Federer ended up winning his fifth straight Wimbledon.

Even with the loss Nadal has, I think, shown Federer that he can hang with him on grass. This is shaping up to be a terrific rivalry that could last many years.

One other thing about the match -- McEnroe has to be one of the best sports announcers ever. I learned things about tennis in general, and about Federer and Nadal specifically, by listening to him -- he does a great job of explaining exactly what each guy is doing in a way that greatly improves the experience of watching the match.

Now I'm getting excited for the US Open in August. Bring it on!

Scurvivor: Pirate Master Debuts

Last night was the debut of 'Pirate Master' on CBS, their summer replacement for 'Survivor,' sitting conveniently in the same time slot. It pits 16 people, each resplendent in high-end pirate gear, against each other in a battle for a bunch of money. Playing the role of Jeff Probst is Cameron Daddo, best(?) known for his apperances on the late, curiously unlamented 'She Spies.'


YAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!!!

It's basically Pirate Survivor, but the first episode showed a couple of interesting twists, including having the group elect a Captain, who was then given half of the loot from their first treasure hunt. Since the contestants get to keep whatever money they get on the show, that turned out to be a lucrative appointment for Captain Joe Don, who immediately went a little bit overboard (heh heh) in his management style.

The game has a system for deposing the Captain -- all the player needs to unanimously vote to mutiny, at which point the Captain will be "cut adrift." Otherwise, they can vote for one of the three people who the Captain has marked for dismissal.

That didn't happen last night; instead our first contestant to be cut adrift was labelled as a scientist/exotic dancer, which was a nice touch. He came up huge in both parts of the treasure hunt, but then had to go and be a dick about it, thereby ensuring his demise.

The show is totally cheesy and totally entertaining, the perfect summer fill-in. I don't know if I'll be able to keep up with weekly updates, but even if I don't I really just wanted this post published so that when everyone starts calling this show Scurvivor, I can point here and say that I CAME UP WITH THAT. If I could, I would trademark it.

American Idol This Week

Short post this week -- I watched last night's final performances on a bed in a Rodeway Inn in New Paltz, New York, where we had to stop on our way home from Montreal because I caught the stomach bug that had hit the rest of my family over the weekend.

So, through stomach pain and the non-stop chattering of my two-and-a-half year old as she bounced off the walls, my impressions:

Blake -- Blake was smart to start off with "You Give Love a Bad Name," the performance which put him in the finals in the first place. He was oversinging (perhaps because of the size of the room?) but made good use of the stage and gave a very good performance.

Unfortunately he followed that up with a strange choice, a mid-tempo Maroon 5 song that did nothing to highlight his strengths. His take on their song "This Love" was a big success, but this one was uninspiring, and it played up his main weakness, which is a tendency toward sloppiness in his phrasing.

Plus, paired with the song they both sang ("This Is My Now"), it gave Blake two lackluster songs in a row. Blake must have been pissed when he got this song to start practicing -- not only is it totally out of his comfort (and talent) zone, but it was directly in Jordin's. He didn't stand a chance in a head-to-head competition with her on this song.

Jordin -- Her first number, a take on Christina Aguilera's "Fighter," was well done -- as Simon said, it showed the younger side of Jordin, something which has been missing for most of the season -- but I think she had some enunciation problems because I kept hearing her sing, "thanks for making me fire." I don't know, maybe it was the stomach cramps that were fogging my brain.

She followed it up with a re-hash of "Broken Wing," and I wish she had saved last week's "I Who Have Nothing" for this slot, since I thought she lost a little bit of oomph (yes, that is a technical term) this time through the song. It probably would have been impossible to recapture the feeling of the first time she sang it, as I think that was pretty much the first time people started taking her seriously as a potential finalist.

Any questions about who deserves to win this competition were put to rest when she sang "This Is My Now." It's like the song was written for her -- upbeat, uplifting, full of soaring notes and heartfelt emotion. If Blake wins this thing tonight he ought to give this song to Jordin and let her release it, because I think it'll sell like crazy, whereas no one wants to hear Blake sing it. She performed flawlessly, putting an emotional exclamation point on the season.

For The Night -- Jordin, Blake

For The Season -- Jordin, Blake

Who Should Go Home -- Blake, who is out of his league in a singing competition (as the judges continually reminded us this was) again Jordin. Still, I won't shed any tears for Blake, who has a good chance at being the biggest star out of anyone this season.

Who Will Go Home -- Blake. The people are an ass when it comes to voting throughout the season, but they usually get it right when it comes to the final.

American Idol This Week

It was final three week, with songs chosen by the judges, the producers, and the singers. Overall it was an above-average week, with only a few mis-steps, as you might expect at this stage of the game.

I'll break down all nine performances, starting with Judge's Choice:

Jordin, "Wishing On A Star" (Simon) -- This was a decent peformance, but not one of her best. I'd put it in the middle of the pack for the night, while acknowledging that it would have been near the top in almost any other week.

Blake, "Roxanne" (Paula) -- Paula didn't do Blake any favors with this one; as I've said before, it's very difficult to do The Police well. She may have been thinking that the Police's reggae-inflected rhythms would fit Blake's style, and that may be true, but if that's what she was going for he should have sung "Shadows In The Rain" or "The Bed's Too Big Without You." Of course, neither of those were hits, which is why we got Blake singing "put on the red light" fifty times.

Melinda, "I Believe In You And Me" (Randy) -- After warning so many singers that they shouldn't try to sing Whitney, Randy throws one of Whitney's toughest songs at Melinda and she handles it well. I wasn't impressed with her low range, but overall she did a solid job, and the finale was tremendous.

Judge's round results: Melinda, Jordin, Blake

Now on to Producer's Choice:

Jordin, "She Works Hard For The Money" -- I figure Producer's Choice is the place where Nigel et al try to figure out what sort of songs these guys should record, which makes it seem strange that they picked a 24-year old post-disco track for Jordin. Much like what we saw last week, Jordin wasn't able to overcome what is, at heart, a really boring song. She also ran into a believability problem for me; just like I didn't believe she knew anything about Tommy the dockworker and Gina the waitress, I felt like Jordin had a hard time connecting with Onetta and whatever it is she does.

Blake, "This Love" -- I don't think the producers could have picked a more perfect song for Blake, and he responded by hitting it out of the park. Actually, let me modify my metaphor and say that he hit it a long way, but it just hit the top of the wall and he had to settle for a triple. Maybe it was the wind that kept the ball in the park, or maybe it was the fucking beatboxing. Look, it's cool that he can beatbox, and he does an excellent imitation of a turntablist working the crossfader. But seriously, dog, don't try to cram that into every song! His workout with Sir Mixx-A-Lot (and boy, was that surreal) showed that he has some other beatboxing skills; maybe American Idol audiences aren't ready for the full-on Darren Robinson treatment, but if that's the case don't keep dropping the same, tired crossfade bit into every song.

Now, that said, Blake sang this song really well, and I can totally see him having a huge hit in this style. Just leave the wick-wick-wack out of it.

Melinda, "Nutbush City Limits" -- I had hoped Randy would give Melinda a Tina Turner song, and was happy when the producers did exactly that. It's unfortunate that the one they chose required her to yell "NUTBUSH!" a dozen times, but what are you gonna do? She took on the challenge, though, and nailed the song, even throwing in some nice footwork as well. She's no Tina, but she's the closest thing Idol has to that sort of performer this season.

Producer's round results: Blake, Melinda, Jordin

And finally, the performers got to choose a number. Two of them went back to previous successes, while the resident risk-taker took a risk and went with a new song.

Jordin, "I Who Have Nothing" -- While this didn't reach the heights of her first performance, which served as Jordin's arrival into the endgame discussion all the way back in British Invasion Week, it was a fantastic performance that showed her biggest strength, which is her ability to telegraph vulnerability through her singing. That's one of the big reasons that this one worked and "She Works Hard For The Money" didn't -- Jordin isn't a tough chick, she's a softie, and the songs that let her get that across work the best for her.

Blake, "When I Get You Alone" -- Ugh. This is the Blake we see as often as not: singing mushily, aimlessly wandering around the stage showing us the lining of his jacket, and throwing it random beatbox breaks. More than either of the other remianing candidates, Blake is at the mercy of his song choices -- when he gets a song like "This Love" or "Time Of The Season," he rocks it, but faced with punching up uninteresting material like "Imagine" or "When The Stars Go Blue," he founders. I've now heard two Robin Thicke songs in my life, this one and the one that Thicke himself performed on the show a while back, and that's enough for me.

Melinda, "I'm A Woman" -- A nice performance and an excellent companion to "Nutbush." Melinda has a lot of fun here, getting all attitudinal and letting the backup singers have some, and it works. She is, as has been stated, the consummate pro, the most consistently good singer of the season, and ought to sail through to next week and the eventual big prize.

Performer's round results: Jordin, Melinda, Blake

For the night: Everyone took a round, but only Melinda avoided a last place finish, and Blake's lows were lower than Jordin's. Therefore, it goes Melinda, Jordin, Blake.

For the season: Melinda, Jordin, Blake

Who should go home: Blake, who has shown flashes of real talent, and who probably has a fine career ahead of him, but who is outclassed by both Melinda and Jordin.

Who will go home: Unfortuntaly, I think it's going to be Jordin. Blake has a strong hold on a very vocal, active portion of the coting public, and he has set himself up as different enough from Melinda and Jordin that he'll get through. Jordin has shown the most growth of anyone on the show, and she has a bright future ahead of her, but it won't be as an American Idol winner.

Comcast Redux

Since Consumerist published the email address of Comcast's CEO yesterday, I took the opportunity to ask him a few questions about his company's handling of the MLB Extra Innings package:

From: Christian Ruzich
To: brian_roberts AT comcast.com
Date: May 3, 2007 11:30 AM
Subject: Comcast And Extra Innings

Dear Mr. Roberts,

I'm writing today to try to get some information from you regarding Comcast's carriage of the MLB Extra Innings package. A few weeks ago I went through a long series of calls with various Comcast Customer Service Reps, because at the time my Comcast system was not carrying all of the channels in the Extra Innings package. Eventually, this problem was corrected in my area (Harrisburg, PA) but I know that it is still the case in Boston and other places that not all of the channels are available to people who subscribe to the package. Not only that, there have been multiple instances of Comcast refusing to give partial refunds to people, even though Comcast is not offering the full package to them.

Throughout the process I was confronted with Comcast employees who seemed to have no idea exactly what was going on. At various times I was told:

* The missing channels (GAME 11-14) would show up on the GAME 1-4 channels
* The channels would be added once the NHL playoffs were over
* The channels would be added "tomorrow"
* There wasn't enough room on the system to add the channels, and they would never be added
* The addition of the channels was a "regional" decision and no one at the corporate office was involved in the decision
* Comcast was only offering 10 channels, not 14, throughout the country (despite the fact that, at that moment, people in the Chicago area were getting all 14 channels) and therefore mo one was eligible for a partial refund

None of those responses turned out to be correct, and though (as I said) this problem was eventually resolved for me, I wonder why it has not been resolved for everyone, throughout the country. I know that Comcast received the right to broadcast MLB games at a very late date, but it seems to me that even with that the situation could have been handled better. Comcast should have proactively offered the package at a reduced rate for those people who were not able to receive the entire package, or at the very least your customer service representatives should have been instructed to give refunds to people who called to complain that they were not receiving the channels they had been led to believe they would receive.

I have another question about the Extra Innings package as well. The MLB 07 launch memo from iN DEMAND to its affiliates included a paragraph about games available in high definition:

"iN DEMAND will again be providing a High-Definition version of select games already included in the MLB EXTRA INNINGS package. These bonus HD games (approximately 5 per week) should be made available to all existing package subscribers with HD set-tops and television sets."

However, when I inquired about the availability of games in HD, I was told repeatedly that these games were not available and, in fact, would never be made available to me. Why is it that Comcast has chosen to ignore the request of iN DEMAND, and not make these games available to its subscribers?

Thank you very much for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.

Best,

Christian Ruzich

I got an email back from Cynthia Asbury in the Executive Office in the afternoon, and I'm awaiting an actual response to my questions.

American Idol This Week

Feather your hair and slip into your skin-tight white jeans, because it's Bon Jovi week on American Idol!


Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was pleasantly surprised by last night's show. None of the six remaining contestants are rockers, and I feared an evening of karaoke-level arena-rock strutting and a high cheese factor. Instead we got four good performances and some quality mentoring.

Are you ready to rock?

Phil, "Blaze Of Glory" -- Going into the show, Phil was the only singer who I thought had a shot at shining. When he disclosed that he was a big Jovi fan, though, I feared we'd get a straight karaoke version of this 'Young Guns' chestnut. His rendition was pretty much by-the-book, but it was also the best of the night, an entertaining crowd-pleaser which showed off the strongest part of his voice. When Phil gets voted off tonight (which I'm almost certain he will), he can look back at this performance and country night and be proud.

Jordin, "Living On A Prayer" -- A serious mis-step from Jordin, who couldn't handle the low parts of the song, otherwise know as "the verse." Once she got into the chorus, she was better, but the first verse was beyond bad. Even some rather selfless help from Jon Bon Jovi ("just go ahead and change the melody if you need to") couldn't salvage this one.

Also, for the first time I think Jordin's age worked against her. Say what you want about Jon Bon Jovi's lyrics, but they do capture a specific time, place and attitude. I did not for one second believe this Arizona teenager as she sang about Tommy the dockworker and Gina the waitress.

LaKisha, "This Ain't A Love Song" -- Leave it to late-era Jovi to provide LaKisha with the spark that she's been missing for so long. She took ownership of this song in way she hadn't done since the Jennifer Holliday pinnacle oh-so-long ago. I've been worrying over the last few weeks that one of the unworthy boys would sneak into the top three ahead of Kiki but now I'm hopeful she'll get as far as she deserves.

Blake, "You Give Love A Bad Name" -- Innnnnteresting. I think it says a lot about 'American Idol' that a Doug E. Fresh-meets-311 interpretation of a #1 single could be thought of as "Edgy" or "hip." But in the AI milieu, it was exactly that. Big ups to Blake for doing something interesting and playing to his strengths.

The funny thing is, I think he could have done quite well with a straightforward take on the song. I didn't think he had the voice for it but when he did the choruses "normally" he more than held him own.

Simon said it will garner a love it or hate it reaction from the voting public, and if that's the case he should end up with enough votes to escape elimination.

Chris, "Wanted Dead Or Alive" -- Dropped his esses, sang nasally, inserted runs where they didn't belong, was totally unconvincing as a rocker. Worst performance of the night.

Melinda, "Have a Nice Day" -- Another great performance straight out of the "Fake it 'til you make it" school of rock. It was very obvious that Melinda was unfamiliar not only with Bon Jovi, but possibly with rock music in general. And yet, she was able to connect to something in the music that worked with her style (much as she did on country night), channeling early Tina Turner and effortlessly donning the trapping of the rawk: devil horns, a sneer, and shimmying back-to-back with the guitarist. If she had chugged a fifth of Jack and puked on Randy (and if she hadn't fallen painfully behind the beat at the end of the song), she would have locked up the top spot yet again. Instead, she has to settle for a solid second place on what was a very entertaining show.

For the night: Phil, Melinda, LaKisha, Blake, Jordin, Chris

For the season: Melinda, Jordin, LaKisha, Blake, Phil, Chris

Both LaKisha and Phil were almost, but not quite, good enough to move up a spot.

Who should go home: Phil & Chris

Who will go home: Phil & Chris. Jordin's misstep will be mitigated by her stellar performance last week, while Phil will not be able to over come his.

American Idol This Week

Our six remaining finalists sang "inspirational" songs this week, with their performances interspersed with clips of crushing poverty in the United States and Africa. Forgive me a bit of cynicism, but I'm pretty sure the hat Ryan Seacrest wore on his trip to Africa cost more money than many of those people will see in their lifetimes.

Still, Ryan and Simon seemed genuinely affected by what they saw, and I'm glad that American Idol, which has to be one of the biggest money-makers in the history of televised entertainment, has decided to "give back." I just wish the giving was a bit more involved and, you know, lucrative.

I suppose we'll find out more tonight, but at this point I'm unclear what the corporate sponsors (some of the largest, and in some cases evilest, corporations in the world) are giving, other than generously providing their logos to American Idol for a bit of free advertising time.

Anyway, on to the performances, which broke down very cleanly into two groups. You can split these six finalists by gender or by race and the results are the same: white men can't sing, at least not as well as non-white non-men.

Chris, "Change The World" -- He really has to stop with the vocal acrobatics. Eric Clapton's message, which is a good (if hackneyed) one, gets obscured by all the runs, trills, melisma, and general rococo flourishes that Chris spits out. He was less nasal than usual, which is nice, but overall it was just middle-of-the-road, which at this point doesn't cut it.

Melinda, "There Will Come A Day" -- Another brilliant performance. I've never heard this song (as far as I know), and was shocked to find out it's a Faith Hill song. Melinda started out with sort of sn early 70s "What's Going On" vibe before transitioning into soaring, emotional voice that captured the spirit of the song perfectly. Just fantastic; Jordin has been inching closer and closer to Melinda over he past few weeks but as good as she was, Melinda was better. She deserves to win this competition.

It was also nice for one contestant to disprove the notion that "inspirational" is the same thing as "blandly boring."

Blake, "Imagine" -- As Simon pointed out, this is a hard one to critique. It's hard to sing, too -- it's a simple song, but deceptively so. John Lennon was too smart to be totally straighforward with his message, and while the song seems like a straight-up plea for unity a closer look at the lyrics reveals more than a little subversive thought ("Nothing to kill or die for/And no religion too"). So you have to sing a simple lyric, while finding a way to connect vocally to both the text and the subtext. Blake didn't. He went the boring, safe route, producing a version of the song that ranked, for me, one step above "I'd like to teach the world to sing/In perfect harmony" on the socially-conscious music-o-meter.

Simon's critical bind was evident, too. I mean, as long as the guy is on-key, it's hard to ding him. He's singing "Imagine," for God's sake. You just acknowledge his heartfeltness and move on, I guess.

LaKisha, "I Believe" -- She came dangerously close to shouting again, like she did last week, but I thought she displayed enough vioce control to stay on the proper side of the line. The judges talked quite a bit about the difficulty of singing a Fantasia song, which went over my head because I've never heard a Fantasia song. The main problem I had with this song was with the woeful insipidness (insipidity? insipititude?) of the lyrics. If there was a line in this song that wasn't a cliche I must have missed it.

I thought she did a very good job with it, but her inability to duplicate the brilliance of her early Jennifer Holliday number has relegated her to a place outside the finals in my head.

Phil, "The Change" -- Disappointing after last week's gem. It was obvious from the pre-song clip that this is a very personal song for Phil, and I think that turned out to be a problem. Unlike Blake, who seemed to avoid any emotional connection to his song, Phil was nothing but emotional connection, and the result was a forced shoutiness that didn't make for good singing. You could tell how touched Phil was -- I think if Ryan had said anything to him, he would have started to cry -- but emotional all by itself isn't enough, and in this case the emotion ran over any hint of subtlety that would have greatly improved the performance. Still, it was more good than bad, which is not exactly a ringing endorsement but there you go.

Jordin, "You'll Never Walk Alone" -- I imagine that all over Liverpool and Glasgow there are scores of new Jordin fans thanks to her rendition of their football team's anthem, but in fact the song dates from 1945, and was written by Rodgers & Hammerstein for 'Carousel.'

This was a very strong performance, as Jordin placed small embellishments on top of her strong, solid voice. I don't think it was one of the best performances ever in the history of Americal Idol (I don't actually think it was the bets performance of the night), but it was a great take on a great song and it has, barring some mammoth mis-step, cemented Jordin's place in the final.

For the night: Melinda, Jordin, LaKisha, Phil, Chris, Blake

For the season: Melinda, Jordin, LaKisha, Blake, Phil, Chris

No change, though Phil is inching ever-closer to Blake in the all-important "best male singer in a year of great female singers" category.

Who should go home: With Haley and Sanjaya gone there's no clear consensus, but since none of the guys deserve to win it all, it's time for the three of them to leave.

Who will go home: Tough call this week. Blake was the weakest of the week, but Chris and Phil have spent much more time in the bottom three. I'll say it'll be Phil.

Final (?) Comcast Update

My GAME 11-14 channels showed up over the weekend. Success! Of course I have to say that my efforts had absolutely nothing to do with the channels appearing, since every call I made met with absolutely no success. My flurry of emails seemed to do no good, either, since almost no one responded to me. Just to break it down, I phoned or emailed the following people/organizations about Comcast's deceptive business practices, and got the following responses:

Comcast: Every call I made got me a different response, all of which ultimately turned out to be incorrect. I did get a refund for the first three weeks of the season. Or, at least I'm supposed to get a refund; we'll see if it actually happens.
The Consumerist: Got a "thanks, we'll check it out" response, but no article about it, though they did make a post in response to a similar email from commenter Phildogger.
Deadspin: No response. Where is the love, Will? Is it because I'm a Cubs fan?
WHP CBS 21 News: No response.
WGAL NBC News 8: No response.
ABC 27 News: No response.
Fox43 News: No response.
State Representative Ron Buxton: A staffer from Representative Buxton's office called me within an hour of receiving my email and told me that, according to their office, the channels would be activated on Friday. They were off by two days, but still I appreciate the quick response.
State Senator Jeffrey Piccola: No response.
Congressman Tim Holden: No response.
Senator Arlen Specter: No response.
Senator Bob Casey: No response.
Senator John Kerry (because he's the chair of the committee which held the hearings about the Extra Innings deal): No response.

I'll keep an eye on my inbox over the next week to see if anyone else replies. For those of you in places like Boston who aren't getting the additional channels, keep up the good fight and please drop me a line if the channels show up on your systems.

Today's Comcast Update

Shockingly, it looks like the information Congressman Ron Buxton's office gave me was correct. This morning, when I checked my Comcast guide, I saw four new channels, 781-784. The channels are listed as "TBD," bu that's where GAME 11-14 should go; I'll check later today to see if games actually show up.

So if that's the case, it looks like Harrisburg, at least, will have all 14 channels once the NHL package ends. I'm not sure if there's been any improvement in Boston and elsewhere -- anyone have any updates?

According To The Comcast Executive Office, "All The Games" Means "All The Games We Carry"

I just got off the phone with Judy in the Comcast executive office. I called the executive office to get a phone number for my regional office, since regional numbers aren't available anywhere on the Comcast website or on my bill.

While I had her on the phone, I asked about the status of the four additional channels, and when they might be turned on in the Harrisburg area and other areas (like Boston) which aren't currently carrying. She said there were no plans to add the additional channels, at which point I asked what the process would be to get a 30% discount for the missing channels. Imagine my surprise when she told me that I wasn't eligible for a doscount because Comcast only carries ten channels, not fourteen!

When I told her that, for example, Comcast in Chicago was getting all fourteen channels, she had no response other than to reiterate that Comcast was only getting ten channels.

I decided to tack in a different direction, and ask for a 30% discount on the grounds that I had been mislead by Comcast's advertising, which boasted that I would be able to "catch all the action," which I took to mean "watch all the games." Judy informed me that what it actually means was that I'd be able to watch all the games Comcast offered.

Now, I looked at the page on Comcast.com advertising the Extra Innings package, and I suppose this is technically covered by the sentence "Not all programming and services are available in all areas." Still, I feel this is patently deceptive advertising -- at no point does Comcast mention that they will only be offering 70% of the channels in some areas. Plus, when I go to the guide channel that lists all the games available, I'm shown games on all 14 channels, not just games on the 10 channels that are apparently available to me.

So we have Comcast practicing deceptive advertising practices, and charging customers as much for 10 channels in Harrisburg as they charge for 14 channels in Chicago, or that DirecTV charges for 14 channels across the country. That doesn't seem right, does it?

If you'd like to talk to Judy, or anyone else in the executive office, call 215-665-1700. And if you're a Comcast subscriber in Chicago, or anywhere else that is getting the GAME 11-14 channels, post in the comments or send me an email at ruz at cruzich dot com. I'd love to talk to you.

American Idol This Week

We take a break from our schedule of bitching about Comcast to look at last night's American Idol performances.

Martina McBride was the mentor this week, and she didn't get much deeper than the typical platitudes, but she did seem enthusiastic about all the singers, and just so darn nice. Thankfully, that niceness was more than balanced out by Simon, who appears to have reached his breaking point with Sanjaya and really seemed just about ready to pop up out of his chair, adjust his mansierre, and smack Ryan. Now that's good television.

Let's get to the recap, right after Ryan, dressed in his somberest suit, expresses Idol's condolences much more gracefully than anyone else on the show:



(Actually, in all honesty, I though Ryan did a good job of acknowledging what happened at Va Tech. Things like that are hard to do, and Seacrest is actually really good at his job. He's gotta be one of the least tool-y celebrihosts out there.)

Phil, "Where The Blacktop Ends" -- Not bad, which for Phil is pretty good. We find out, 10 weeks into the contest, that Phil is a country guy. The fact that it took so long for that to come out is, I think, Phil's trajectory in a nutshell. Up until this point he's been completely uninteresting and hasn't even made much of an effort to differentiate himself from the pack. This week, he picked a song that suited him, seemed relaxed, and worked the crowd well. The result was one of the better performances of the night.

Jordin, "A Broken Wing" -- The best performance of the season from Jordin, who is really coming on strong. This was a beautiful performance: restrained at the beginning and building well throughout the song. She told the story of the lyrics in a way that few this season (save Melinda) have done.

Sports fans talk about momentum a lot, and I don't know if it means anything there, but I think it does here. As we get closer to the end, it serves a contestant well to have her strongest performances most recently, as Jordin has done. With the continuing, frustrating inability of LaKisha to re-capture her early glory, Jordin has become a strong contender for the final two.

Sanjaya, "Something To Talk About" -- It's a sad thing when a novelty act starts thinking he's something more than that. The fact that he said he picked this song because he has been giving America something to talk about is just pitiful. The performance was typical crap -- flat almost all the way through, mush-mouthed, and completely missing the joy present in the lyrics. I honestly believe that, with practice, I could sing as well as Sanjaya. Seriously. And I'm nearly tone-deaf.

The only good thing about it was that it brought Simon closer to the snapping point than we've seen him in a long, long time.

LaKisha, "Jesus Take The Wheel" -- Disappointing on a couple of levels. After her transcendent performance of "And I Am Telling You" early on, LaKisha has struggled. I'm getting to the point where I think that performance was an aberration rather than an indication of her talent level.

This week, she started off boring, struggling to keep up with the crowded lyrics, and when she broke into the chorus she seemed shouty. There was a harshness to her voice that didn't fit the tone of either the song or the performance.

Chris, "Mayberry" -- I hear this song way more than I want to because the guys in the shop play the country station. It's got a ridiculously huge hook at the beginning of the chorus, but Chris was so focused on his verbal gymnastics that he rolled right over it. Plus he got into it with Simon after the performance before dropping an awkward Va Tech sympathy shout-out, making what was surely a heart-felt moment seem both desperate and calculating.

And he still came out looking better than Simon, who issued one of the most ill-advised eye rolls in the history of live television. Well played.

Melinda, "Trouble Is A Woman" -- Melinda went to the end of the country spectrum that suits her, the honky-tonk side with a bit of soul thrown in. The judges' reference to Tina Turner was spot on -- country and soul have a lot in common and Melinda bridged the gap very skillfully. Another excellent performance.

Blake, "When The Stars Go Blue" -- I didn't even know Tim McGraw had done this song -- Ryan Adams must have been psyched when that happened, though he probably acted all tough and claimed it was an embarrassment. Then he bought some more cars or cocaine or whatever he wanted to spend his huge royalty checks on.

Anyway, this was a weak performance from Blake. The falsetto was especially problematic -- he was pitchy, and to compound that he slammed gracelessly between the falsetto and non-falsetto notes. He was, however, not quite as graceless as Simon, who careened from critiquing Blake to expressing his sadness at the Blacksburg shootings without even pausing for breath.

For the night: Jordin, Melinda, Phil, LaKisha, Blake, Chris, Sanjaya

For the season: Melinda, Jordin, LaKisha, Blake, Phil, Chris, Sanjaya

Jordin and Phil move up a notch at the expense of LaKisha and Chris, while Blake misses an opportunity to put himself in the end-game discussion.

Who should go home: Sanjaya, of course.

Who will go home: Chris. I don't think petulance plays well, especially when it's coupled with a sub-par performance.

My Tax Dollars At Work

Now this is excellent response from a public servant -- on my way home from work I got a call from someone in State Representative Ron Buxton's office, saying she got my email and letting me know that according to their information, Comcast would be adding the missing four channels on Friday.

She asked me to please call the Representative's office on Friday if that didn't happen, and I assured her I would.

Comcast Extra Innings Update

I just got off the phone with Juanita Evans at the Comcast corporate office. As the original commenter here said, she was very nice, and I certainly appreciate that she took the time to call me back after I feft her a message this morning.

She was, however, completely unhelpful. After saying that it was a mistake and that she shouldn't have been mentioned on "that website" (which is, I imagine, this website), she said that there was nothing she could do. She said that this should be handled on a regional level, and that they were having the same issues where she was (Boston).

I asked her what she meant by regional -- I'm in Harrisburg PA, and is there someone who covers just my city, or all of Pennsylvania, or what? She suggested that I look on my bill, call the 800 number for customer service, and express my concern that way.

So, basically, the brushoff. Today's call will be to the customer service number (1-800-COMCAST), to start the process of asking for a partial refund since they are not providing the service I'm paying for.

UPDATE 4:10 PM: Based on the good idea that commenter Phildogger had, I've emailed all four local Harrisburg TV stations, as well as my state and federal senators and representatives.

Comcast, Extra Innings, The Consumerist, And You

Well, after three calls to Comcast this week about the four missing channels, and after an anonymous commenter posted about his attempts to do the same from Boston, I decided to escalate things a bit. I just sent the following email to Ben Popken, editor of The Consumerist.

As I say in the email, I encourage everyone who's a Comcast subscriber with an incomplete Extra Innings package to call the phone number that our anonymous commenter provided. After all, we're only getting 10 of 14 available channels, which is about 71%. I don't see why we should be expected to pay more that 71% of the fee.

Are you still missing the additional Extra Innings channels? Post a comment and let me know where you are, and also let me know if you've called Juanita (her number is below) and what she had to say.

Here's the email to The Consumerist:

---

Ben,

I'm hoping the Consumerist can help put a little pressure on one of everyone's favorite companies, Comcast. Obviously you know what happened with Major League Baseball, DirecTV, and the Extra Innings package. Last week Comcast turned the EI package on, but they only made 10 of the 14 channels available.

I called them last week to find out when the other channels were going to be made available. The first CSR I talked to told me that the channels started back over at 1 after 10.

Me: "So the GAME 14 game will be on the same channel as the GAME 4 game?"
CSR: "Yes."

I figured I would just call back and try to get another CSR, since I wasn't up for explaining that those two games started less than a half-hour apart, so I was pretty sure the first game wouldn't be over before the second one started.

The second CSR didn't know what I was talking about, but as soon as I mentioned that I could just switch to DirecTV and get all the channels, I got transferred to a retention CSR right away. After a few minutes, he told me that the Game 11-14 channels weren't going to be added to the Comcast channel lineup until the following day.

Shockingly, the next day came and went and the channel weren't there. I didn't get a chance to call back for a few days, but I called back last night when I noticed that there were games on the Game 11-14 channels that weren't available on my system (some of the games on the other channels weren't available either, but that's a blackout problem with MLB and a subject for another email). This time, the first CSR I talked to knew what I was talking about and said that they were still trying to find space to put the additional channels, and that the problem was that "the government" let them have the EI package at such a late date that there wasn't room for the channels, and with the NHL playoffs going on they were still trying to figure out how to get the additional four channels on the system.

I am planning to call again on Monday, for two reasons. First, the "free preview" ends Sunday, which means that as of Monday we have to pay for the EI package (although I did get my April bill and I've already been charged the first installment of the fee). I'm encouraging people to call on Monday and point out that since we're only being given 71% of the available channels, maybe we should only be charged 71% of the cost.

Second, a commented posted a link on my blog to the following document:

http://www.tsq.com/alerts/MLB%2007%20launch%20memo2.pdf

This is a memo from In Demand to its affiliates on April 5th reminding them about the additional four channels and urging them to submit the authorization form and launch the channels as soon as possible, something that several Comcast affiliates have yet to do.

Oh, the memo also mentions up to five games per week in HD which "should be made available to all existing package subscribers with HD set-tops and television sets." They haven't done that either, at least not here in Harrisburg.

The anonymous commenter was nice enough to pass along the phone number and extension of the person in Corporate who he spoke to about this, and I urge all Comcast Extra Innings subscribers who don't yet have their additional four channels and/or HD games to call her:

Juanita Evans
1-888-309-2583 X44283

As the commenter says, "She is very, very nice, and is trying to help. Please be polite, but insistent!"

Thanks,

Christian Ruzich
The Dilettante's Dilemma

Major League Baseball Blackout Map

On Sunday I mentioned the fact that, thanks to arcane blackout rules, I'm prohibited from watching games from four teams (the Phillies, Pirates, Nationals, and Orioles) on the Extra Innings package. A commenter asked me if there was a map showing all the blackout areas, and there is. Dan werr at Baseball Think Factory put one together, and it was referenced in two fine articles Jeff Passan wrote last summer:


Click map for large version

As you can see, a four-team blackout like we face here in central PA isn't that unusual -- I count ten different chunks of the country with the same number of blacked out teams, including the entire states of Oklahoma and Arkansas. And it's even worse in a couple of places, like:

* The southern half of Nevada, which is blacked out from six teams: all five California teams (Oakland, San Francisco, LA, Anaheim, and San Diego) plus the Arizona Diamondbacks. It looks like parts of the Las Vegas area are included in this blackout.

* The entire state of Iowa, where it is impossible to watch Cubs, White Sox, Royals, Brewers, Twins, or Cardinals games.

Some of these restrictions are beyond ridiculous. Thanks to Yahoo Maps, for example, I can tell you that the good people of Hammond, Montana are unable to watch Mariners games, despite living 1,013 miles from Seattle. That's an extreme, of course, but when you look at that map there are tons of things that jump out as wrong.

I think the main thing comes down to this -- all over the country, people are being deprived of the ability to watch out-of-market games that they don't have any other way of seeing. I understand the theory behind, say, blacking out Phillies games in the Philadelphia area. You don't want the MLB package taking viewers away from over-the-air or Comcast Sports Net games. But how does Major League Baseball justify blacking out Pirates games here in Harrisburg, where we cannot get any Pittsburgh OTA stations or FSN Pittsburgh? That's just one of literally scores of examples of games being blacked out and that blackout serving no purpose other than preventing fans from watching games.

The whole idea of putting the games on TV is to build fan loyalty, right? The more games we see, the more hats and pennants and replica jerseys we'll buy. So why make it harder for people to see the teams they want to see? The more Mariners fans there are in Hammond, or Reds fans in Tupelo, or Rangers fans in New Orleans, or Orioles fans in Charlotte, the better for baseball, I would think, but obviously the smart folks who run MLB think otherwise.

American Idol This Week

Things got a little weird last night as I saw human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, and Sanjaya giving one of the best performances of the week.

It was a pretty lackluster week overall -- Jennifer Lopez acted as mentor, revelling in her latina bona fides, teaching Chris the proper pronunciation of "muñequita," trying to show Jordan how to move sultrily, and having all of the performers sit at her feet while she tossed out pearls of wisdom from her barstool perch -- but the one thing it taught me is that if you don't have the Latin heat, you can't fake it.


Among American Idol's "Latin" Performers

Melinda, "Sway" -- The first of many singers trying, and failing, to go outside of their comfort zones. Her attempts at feeling the Latin heat were stilted and she came nowhere close to the sexiness Paula claimed she embodied, and she shouldn't try. I really think she should be going for classy sophistication instead of sex appeal. Still, she looked great (tm Paula), her voice was excellent, and even in an off week she was among the top performers.

LaKisha, "Conga" -- Mis-step number two. It must be extremely difficult to sing and negotiate one's way through the crowd, and LaKisha showed she doesn't have the ability to do both at the same time. Trying to remember her choreography left her vocals flat and rote, two things that are bad when the song you're singing doesn't have much going for it. In order to do well with this song she needed to sing the hell out of it, and she didn't. Both top contenders faltered, leaving the door open for someone else to join the party.

Chris, "Smooth" -- I'm not very musically intelligent (in fact I'm nearly tone deaf) so I can't tell for sure, but it seemed like Chris completely ignored the one piece of advice we saw J-Lo give him, which was to do the song one step higher than he originally planned to. In the rehearsal clip we saw him sing the last line ("give me your heart/make it real/or else forget about it") and it sounded good, but when he started his performance I thought, "geez, how low would this have been if he hadn't gone up a step?" And then he got to the end and it sounded nothing like it had before.

Someone with some music experience, tell me -- did he actually take the song up a step, or not? Whatever he did, he managed to give us a decent, but by no means stellar, performance of one of the best songs of the last decade.

Haley, "Turn The Beat Around" -- Awful. Just terrible. Nothing else to say.

Phil, "Maria Maria" -- I had high hopes for Phil when I heard he was doing this song. I thought it would work well in his high register. But his voice cracked a couple of times and that sort of overshadowed anything positive about the performance.

Jordin, "The Rhythm Is Gonna Get You" -- The third front-runner who tried (and failed) to break out of her comfort zone, or so she said. The thing is, she's been doing very well singing light, fun songs and bopping around the stage, so she should have nailed this one, and she didn't. I'm not sure exactly what happened other than, as Keith Chaffee points out, she didn't enunciate crisply enough to let the rhythm of the lyrics come through.

Blake, "I Need To Know" -- Best performance of the night. Excellent song choice, good charisma, no beatboxing, and a solid vocal. For the first time, someone other than LaKisha or Melinda took the prize.

Sanjaya, "Besame Mucho" -- So help me, this didn't suck. Actually, I'll go further and say that, in a week that saw most of the other contestants falter, Sanjaya gave one of the best performances of the night. It wasn't enough to lift him out of the cellar, but for one night he was something other than the biggest joke in the history of American Idol.

For the night: Blake, Melinda, Jordin, Chris, Sanjaya, LaKisha, Phil, Haley

For the season: Melinda, LaKisha, Jordin, Blake, Chris, Phil, Haley, Sanjaya

Who should go home: Haley, of course.

Who will go home: Phil, probably, though I'm worried about LaKisha and The Mandisa Effect; I hope America won't take her first stumble as the opportunity to vote off the large African-American woman.

How Comcast and Major League Baseball Are Conspiring To Piss Me Off Today

So here we are. It's 40 degrees and windy outside, so we're all hunkered down in the house. D-Jo just came back from the hospital with the new baby, so I'm with Zosia in her playroom, and I figured that since it's the first Sunday afternoon of the baseball season, I'd like to watch a game.

I switched from DirecTV to cable last year because the cable system (Comcast) had a lot more HD channels, and since I bought a nice, big HDTV as a present for selling my website, it made sense. I've had the Extra Innings package on DirecTV for the last few years, and expected that when the season started I'd buy it on Comcast.

Then of course came all the recent unpleasantness with MLB attempting to give DirecTV an exclusive on the Extra Innings package, and Congress getting involved, and MLB extending the offer to Dish and cable, and then at the 11th hour (actually at the 13th hour, since it happened after Opening Day) cable coming through and matching the deal.

So I signed up, but didn't get a chance to watch any games until today, what with the new baby being born and all. I turned on the schedule channel, and this is what I saw:

Channel Match-Up Time
GAME 10 Baltimore vs. NY Yankees 1:05
GAME 9 NY Mets vs. Atlanta 1:05
GAME 8 Philadelphia vs. Florida 1:05
GAME 7 Seattle vs. Cleveland PPD/Snow
GAME 6 Pittsburgh vs. Cincinnati 1:15
GAME 5 Arizona vs. Washington 1:35
GAME 4 Toronto vs. Tampa Bay 1:40
GAME 14 Chicago Cubs vs. Milwaukee 2:05
GAME 13 Minnesota vs. Chicago White Sox 2:05
GAME 12 St. Louis vs. Houston 2:05
GAME 11 Detroit vs. Kansas City See note
GAME 10 LA Dodgers vs. San Francisco 4:05

And here's where the fun begins. There were, originally, 11 early games. One was cancelled due to weather, leaving 10 games for me to theoretically watch. However, my channel guide only goes up to the GAME 10 channel. I called Comcast customer service, because the game I wanted to watch was on GAME 14, and asked where I could find that game.

The first CSR told me that the channels started back over at 1 after 10.

Me: "So the GAME 14 game will be on the same channel as the GAME 4 game?"
CSR: "Yes."

I figured I would just call back and try to get another CSR, since I wasn't up for explaining that those two games started less than a half-hour apart, so I was pretty sure the Toronto/Tampa game wouldn't be over before the Cubs game started.

The second CSR didn't know what I was talking about, but as soon as I mentioned that I could just switch to DirecTV I got transferred to a retention CSR right away. After a few minutes, he told me that the Game 11-14 channels weren't going to be added to the Comcast channel limeup until tomorrow.

So, out of 10 possible games, four were unavailable thanks to Comcast. That left six games to watch, right? Well, no. I live in Harrisburg PA, an area that MLB has decreed has four "home" teams: the Pirates, the Phillies, the Orioles, and the Nationals. That means the games from all four of those teams are blacked out here, even when they aren't on other channels. Today, only the Phillies game was on another channel.

So, out of 6 possible games, four were unavailable on Extra Innings due to Major League Baseball. That left two games, one of which (Mets/Braves) was available on TBS.

That left a grand total of one out-of-market game available to me on this, the first Sunday afternoon of the baseball season. Not exactly the sort of all-access viewing we've been promised, that's for sure.

Maybe the GAME 11-14 channels will show up tomorrow (though I'm not holding my breath). Maybe Major League Baseball will change the archaic and ridiculous blackout rules (even less likely). Until then, all I can do is write nasty emails, bitch, moan, and watch the Blue Jays beat the Devil Rays.

American Idol This Week

Last night the contestant got to spend some time with a master, as Tony Bennett and his luxurious head of hair gave the singers a lesson on how to sing. Bennett was up to the task, doling out specific instructions, most of which were heard and then immediately ignored. People. When Tony Bennett is giving advice about how to interpret a song, LISTEN TO HIM.


This man knows what he's talking about.

This week's performances fell neatly into three groups of three: good, flawed, and exit-worthy.

Blake, "Mack The Knife" -- Blake started off the night well enough, keeping the dancing to a minimum and dropping some scat (which sounds grosser than it is) at the end. We had another disconnect between the lyrics and the performance, though, as Blake smiled his way through a song about a serial killer ("On the sidewalk/One Sunday morning/Lies a body/Oozin' life"). It's not too surprising, considering that Bobby Darin's hit version of the song uses a translation (Bertolt Brecht wrote the song in German) that leaves off the last two verses, which were later translated thusly:

And the ghastly fire in Soho,
Seven children at a go
In the crowd stands Mack the Knife, but
He's not asked and doesn't know.

And the child bride in her nightie,
Whose assailant's still at large
Violated in her slumbers
Mackie how much did you charge?

Creepy. Phil would have been a better fit for this song, and I think it would have turned out better...

Phil, "Night And Day" -- ...than this. First, though, let me say Phil looks so much better with just the slightest bit of hair. It makes him look almost normal. And yes, I am rocking this recap Paula-style by leading with a comment about the singer's looks, because the performance wasn't very good. Phil turned out to be the first singer of the night to ignore Tony Bennett's advice, as he slid through the lyircs instead of singing them in the staccato style Bennett suggested.

Melinda, "I've Got Rhythm" -- Another fantastic performance from the clear leader of the show. Everything about it was perfect,and I'm beginning to wonder if Melinda will every make a mistake on this show.

Chris, "Don't Get Around Much Anymore" -- When I saw him with that hat on, I was afraid he was going to do one of Sinatra's signature tunes, but instead he went with this Duke Ellington chestnut and did an excellent job. He stayed out of his high range, where he tends to get nasally, and moved around the stage well. A fine performance.

Jordin, "On A Clear Day" -- Another very nice performance from Jordin, who capped off a spirited, albeit by-the-numbers, performance with a fantastic long note. Did I mention she's adorable? I think she has an excellent chance of ending up in the Final Two, once America turns on either Melinda or LaKisha for not being cute enough.

Gina, "Smile" -- Poor Gina. After her lite-FM gloss on The Pretenders went over so well, she could be forgiven for thinking that's where she should go with this Charlie Chaplin number. Truth be told, there are very few songs in the "standards" genre that are ripe for rocking out; it's hard to imagine that Harold Arlen or Sammy Cahn wrote anything that would have fit comfortably in Gina's wheelhouse. Still, she managed to totally miss the juxtaposition of despair and hope that informs this song, opting instead for a "keep your chin up" reading that dumbed it down considerably.

Sanjaya, "Cheek To Cheek" -- Even the always-positive Bennett had a hard time saying anything constructive about Sanjaya; he ended up with some platitude about him "always showing up." I will give him credit for realizing his strengths and playing to them:" this week he sang a bit of his song directly at a pre-pubescent girl in the front row, and gave Paula Abdul a quick twirl, all the while taking a song that was pure white bread when Fred Astaire sang it and making it even more boring. That said, I actually don't think his was the worst performance of the night, because of...

Haley, "Ain't Misbehavin'" -- ...this. Haley obviously thought that a song with "misbehavin'" in the title would be a perfect accompaniment to her sex kitten persona, and that would have worked well for her if Tony Bennett hadn't gone to the trouble of actually, you know, reading the lyrics. At least, Bennett was able to convince Haley to drop the Betty Boop-ish "and you and you and you" she was planning to sing. I appreciate that America has seen fit to keep this eye candy around, and I'm hoping she's here for another few weeks just so we can see just how short of a skirt she can wear without Fox having to resort to showing her only from the waist up.

LaKisha, "Stormy Weather" -- Ill-advised Bill Withers lyrical addition aside, this was a great performance. The Idol blogosphere seems to be splitting apart on the Melinda vs. LaKisha question, so I'll stake my claim on the pro-Melinda side. The main difference between the two for me is that when LaKisha is interpreting a song, you can see her doing it, while for Melinda it seems as natural as breathing. To pull in another art, it's the difference between a good actor and a great one. The great actors make you believe that they are inhabiting the character they're playing, while the merely good aren't talented enough to mask the techniques they use. So when LaKisha stomps her feet, or makes a sweeping arm gesture, I think "she's interpreting the song," but when Melinda does it, I don't notice it, I just feel the emotion she's trying to get me to feel. LaKisha is still a strong #2 in my book, but she hasn't been able to close the gap for the last few weeks.

For the night: Melinda, LaKisha, Jordin, Chris, Blake, Gina, Phil, Sanjaya, Haley

Sanjaya ekes his way out of last place for the first, and probably only, time. And just to be clear, he didn't beat Haley as much as Haley lost to him.

For the season: Melinda, LaKisha, Jordin, Chris, Gina, Blake, Phil, Haley, Sanjaya

Both of last week's position swaps (Gina-Chris and Phil-Blake) are reversed, and Chris cements his spot at the top of the crop on the guys side.

Who should go home: Haley.

Who will go home: Phil, Gina and Haley will be the bottom three, but Haley's safe for another week. This looks like the end of the road for Sailor Phil.

American Idol This Week

This week saw Gwen Stefani sit in the coach's chair as the contestants sang songs that "inspired" her. Given that theme, it's a little strange that three chose to sing No Doubt songs, putting Stefani in the difficult position of critiquing people singing songs that she wrote. In one case, it wasn't a huge problem as Jordin did a surprisingly good job with a risky song, but I can only imagine Stefani's reaction after she heard what Chris R. did to her biggest hit, or when Sanjaya told her he was going to sing "Bathwater."

In fact, I don't have to imagine it, because yesterday Idolator linked to a leaked report from yesterday's dress rehearsal which said Stefani went to Executive Producer Nigel Lithgoe and said she did not want Sanjaya singing one of her songs. I can't say I blame her, as I don't want Sanjaya singing any song I have ever heard, or even might hear in the future.


Screen cap courtesy of Idolator

On to the recaps and rankings:

Lakisha, "Last Dance" -- A good performance, but she loses points because it's a really boring song. Melinda ran into the same problem later and handled it better -- it was very interesting to see the two strongest competitors sing songs from the same artist in the same week. It made a head-to-head comparison easier, and I think LaKisha came out on the losing end.

Chris S., "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" -- I hope that hearing Chris stumble through this song will accord Sting a bit more respect for his vocals. This is a really hard song to do -- the interplay between Sting's vocal and Stewart's drumming holds together perfectly but tenuously, and removing either element (or, in this case, both) can turn this song into a train wreck. I think I've seen enough Chris Sligh.

Gina, "I'll Stand By You" -- after last week's "Paint It Black" debacle, Gina needed to come out strong, and she did. Chrissie Hynde is a tough singer to emulate, but Gina picked one of her most conventional songs and gave it just the slightest bit of Adult Contemporary sheen, while still sticking with the original melody. One of the best performances of the night.

By the way, D Jo totally wants her skull cameo.

Sanjaya, "Bathwater" -- If he hadn't already, Sanjaya has now crossed over into joke territory. All of the discussion of his hair only serves to obscure the fact that he forgot the words to the song, just like Gwen suggested he might. He forgot the words to a song by one of his favorite artists, which he was preparing to sing on the top-rated television show in America? Give me a break.

Next week (because he will be around next week), I expect Simon to just flat-out refuse to say anything abut Sanjaya's performance.

Haley, "True Colors" -- Pretty girl. Shame about the song choice. Where Gina's adult contemporization helped her, Haley's decision to take Cyndi Lauper's vulnerable ballad into Shania territory underscored her main problem, which is that she's not a very good singer.

As an aside, I hit Wikipedia to see if Lauper wrote "True Colors" or if it was a Rob Hyman composition, like "Time After Time." Turns out it was written by Billy Steinberg & Tom Kelly, who wrote a ton of hits for female singers in the '80s, including "Like A Virgin," "Sex As A Weapon," "So Emotional," "Eternal Flame," "Alone," and "I Touch Myself." Pretty impressive. Oh, and they co-wrote "I'll Stand By You," the song Gina sang, as well.

Phil, "Every Breath You Take" -- A surprisingly self-assured vocal from Phil, who I like more and more each week. A surprisingly lucid and helpful Paula dinged him for being "boring" in the verses, but that's how the song is written, and I'm glad he didn't try to add too much there. He got to show off his voice on the bridge, and did a fine job. Since so many people erroneously think this is a beautiful love song, I appreciated that he rocked the creepy-stalker vibe a little bit. Or maybe that's just the way his eyes always are.

Melinda, "Heaven Knows" -- Randy and Paula's comments about Melinda inhabiting the song and telling a story were spot on here. She does what most of the other singers can't manage to do, which is get inside the song and understand what it's about. Haley was smiling while she sang "True Colors," for God's sake! Melinda's professionalism allowed her to once again elevate a boring song and make it worth listening to. My only knock on her is that her arm gestures are awfully backup-singerish, but it's a small quibble. I am prepared to be ashamed of the American people (well, more than I already am) if Melinda doesn't win this competition.

Blake, "Love Song" -- The comments about how much the judges liked his arrangement of this song tell me that they've never heard the execrable 311 cover from the 50 First Dates soundtrack. They managed to take a spare, simple song (which I once quoted in a birthday card to my wife) and muck it up with watered-down reggae beats, and Blake did nothing but perpetuate that monumental error. He does move up one notch for not beatboxing or popping and locking, though.

Jordin, "Hey Baby" -- A huge risk that really paid off. This is barely a song, as even Gwen Stefani tacitly acknowledged when she praised Jordin for making it more musical than she thought it could be. Jordin's take was sassy, which is an adjective I feel should only be used when describing comely, lissome 17-year-olds competing on American Idol. She did a great job of actually singing the verses, avoiding the temptation to imitate Stefani's rapped/sung style, and still managed to avoid getting tripped up by all the words. Well done.

Chris R., "Don't Speak" -- One theme that ran through this week's song choices was simplicity -- I would classify fully half of this week's song as simple. But simple doesn't necessarily mean boring, and the singers who did the best with the "simple" songs this week (Gina, Phil) did the least to them.

I felt Gwen's pain on this one, as Chris took her biggest hit and rendered it just about unrecognizable. His "verbal Olympics" obscured the basic structure of the song and impaired his ability to connect with it. He may still be the top male performer in the competition, but he didn't show it tonight.

For the night: Melinda, Gina, Jordin, LaKisha, Phil*, Blake, Chris R., Haley, Chris S., Sanjaya

* -- Just like on the New York Times sales charts, an asterisk means a singer's rank is barely distinguishable from that of the singer above.

For the season: Melinda, LaKisha, Jordin, Gina, Chris R., Phil, Blake, Chris S., Haley, Sanjaya

Gina passes Chris R., and Phil and Blake swap spots. If America would just vote Haley off, we'd have a clean division between the women on top and the men bringing up the rear. And yes, there were two sexual innuendos in that sentence.

Who should go home: Let's just stipulate that Sanjaya shouldn't be here. Given that, it wouldn't upset me to say goodbye to Chris Sligh or Haley either.

Who will go home: One of the Chrises, either the deserving Sligh or last week's surprise bottom-two member Richardson.

American Idol This Week

I meant to start doing this last week, but, uh, didn't. So here's my first weekly wrap-up of the American Idol performances. I figure this is a good use of my time because no one is doing anything like this on the entire Internet. (I totally ripped off this format from Keith Chaffee, who posts weekly on The Well's TV conference, by the way. Just so you know.)

Last night's episode will be remembered for two things -- good song choices across the board, and this girl:



At least we now know why Sanjaya is still around.

On to the performances:

Haley, "Tell Him" -- Paula gave us her standard "if you can't say something nice about the performance, compliment the singer's looks" response. To be fair, Haley has amazing legs, and the rest of her isn't bad, either. Well, except for the voice. She should never have made it to the final 12, and this performance didn't do anything to change that.

Chris R., "Don't Let The Sun Catch You Crying" -- Guest judge Peter Noone gave the first good piece of advice for the night when he told Chris to make sure not to change the main melody line. This was a decent performance, especially the first half. He started to strain in the second half and got super-nasally, which he does a lot, but still it was the best male performance of the night.

Stephanie, "You Don't Have To Say You Love Me" -- This was Stephanie's first mis-step and it was a big one. She looked nervous from the moment she started singing, and her tendency to drag behind the beat did not serve her well of a song that needs to be sung crisply. I give her credit for trying a ballad instead of her typical Beyonce-lite fare, but this was a bad performance.

Blake, "Time Of The Season" -- Just enough beatboxing to be interesting, and not too much to get in the way of the song. He really strained to reach the notes at the end of the chorus, though, and that dropped him from 1st to 4th among a tightly-bunched field of guys. Also, he needs to stop with the little moonwalk/pop-and-locking, because he really isn't very good at it.

LaKisha, "Diamonds Are Forever" -- First, a quibble. How is this a "British Invasion" song? It came out in 1971, for God's sake! Anyway, the performance was good, maybe even very good, but you could tell that she wasn't comfortable with the song as she basically ended up singing it just like Shirley Bassey had. Still, it was well done. I worry that LaKisha is becoming a victim of her own early success, as the judges (and possibly America) expect her to be sensational every week.

Phil, "Tobacco Road" -- I apparently liked this better than most people did. It was a fun performance that still managed to show off Phil's voice. The only change he's going to have to win the competition (and it's a longshot) will be to position himself as the good-time fun guy, and this was a good start.

Jordin, "I Who Have Nothing" -- Fantastic. I've been a fan of Jordin since the beginning and was psyched to see her put it all together. On an episode where Lulu told a couple of people that they needed to "get" the songs they were singing, I wouldn't have expected a 17-year-old to so completely inhabit a song like this, but she did. The best vocal of the night, and one of the best of the season.

Sanjaya, "You Really Got Me" -- I started cringing the second he told Peter Noone he was thinking about this song and didn't stop until he was done. There's nothing else to say about Sanjaya; he's terrible and he needs to go, but he won't as long as the Ashleys of America keep voting. Also, I think that if you don't ever bother to sing the title of the song, choosing instead to go with a series of "uh-huhs" and "yeahs" as the background singers sing it, you should leave. Immediately.

Gina, "Paint It Black" -- This song absolutely kicked her ass. I see why Lulu told her to take it up a half-step; even with that it was painful to hear her try to growl her way through the low notes at the open. She was all over the place, lost in a song that she thought was a rocker but which is actually a rather baroque piece of proto-psychedelia. Also, she loses huge points for changing the lyrics at the end: it's not "I want to see the sun flying high in the sky," it's "I want to see the sun blotted out from the sky." Because you want to PAINT IT BLACK. Black as NIGHT. It's sort of what the song is about. Maybe Lulu should have told her that.

Chris, "She's Not There" -- It's hard for me to judge this one as it's one my all-time favorite songs. He did a passable version, I guess, and he took Lulu's exhortation to understand the song to heart, even telling the judges that it was a dark song about "a girl who's not there" -- really, Chris? Is that what it's about? -- but to quote Randy, it wasn't my best performance by him for me.

Melinda, "As Long As He Needs Me" -- more excellence from Melinda, who took a boring Broadway number and made me pay attention. I worry about Melinda (and LaKisha), though -- they are clearly the two best vocalists on the show but I fear that one mis-step will give America the excuse it needs to vote them off in favor of a better-looking but less-talented contestant.

For the night: Jordin, Melinda, LaKisha, Chris R., Chris S., Phil, Blake, Stephanie, Gina, Haley, Sanjaya
For the season: Melinda, LaKisha, Jordin, Stephanie, Chris R., Gina, Blake, Phil, Chris S., Haley, Sanjaya

Who should go home: Sanjaya, Sanjaya, a million times Sanjaya.
Who will go home: Haley, out of a bottom three of Haley, Phil and Sanjaya.

The Oscarzzzzzzzz

Last night's Oscars were one of the worst in my memory. I'm a huge Oscar fan -- I've hosted countless Oscar parties, Oscar pools, etc. In my more active days on The Well I hosted the Movies conference and posted regularly during Oscar season about who was going to win, who should be nominated, etc. etc. It's not an exaggeration to say the Oscar telecast is one of the highlights of my TV-watching year, up there with Opening Day of the baseball season and the Survivor finale. Ordinarily I love nothing more than three hours in front of the TV spent critiquing dresses, speeches, and winners and losers.


An Oscar statuette hangs itself as the telecast enters its fourth hour

This year was completely and utterly disappointing. For years people have grumbled about the length of the telecast, how it drags, how boring it is, and I have typically sldiered on, always finding enough of interest to enjoy it. Not this year. For one thing, the producers backloaded all the "big" awards (they didn't give out an acting award until almost an hour in), presumably to build up suspense, but the result was that the first 2 1/2 hours just draaaggged. Then the acting awards came up, mostly foregone conclusions, and the pacing didn't improve!

In general, everything just seemed to take too long. It was maybe only 15 seconds or a minute in any one place, but added up over the whole night it felt stultifying. A perfect example was the shadow theater thing. It was neat, and it led to Ellen DeGeneres' funnies line of the night ("they're naked!") but each little bit lasted a minute or so for one payoff. Grouping them all together would have saved quite a bit of time.

People have a lot of strong feelings about the montages. Typically I enjoy them, and I certainly liked Erroll Morris' piece which started the show. Giuseppe Tornatore's foreign film piece was OK, but Michael Mann's America was just stupid. I would much rather have seen those 5 minutes given to an Altman tribute the way the Spirit Awards did on Saturday, or better yet excised completely. After all, if they did for Altaman whatthey did for Morricone, we might still be watching the show. My God, the Morricone tribute seemed endless! And you have to assume he knew he was getting the award - would it have killed the producers to make sure that Eastwood's translation happened a bit quicker?

Every year the producers try to shorten the show by limiting the amount of time on acceptance speeches, and once people start thanking their agent I start agreeing with Daniel Radosh that there should be a 3-person thanking limit. Thank your spouse, your kids, and your director, and that's it.

But really they could shave off 15-20 min just by having presenters already standing at the podium instead of having them walk. all. the. way. downstage. There was so much dead time that there was no way the show could get into any kind of rhythm. But even if they had tightened things up, the whole affair is so bloodless and obnoxiously self-congratulatory (the Oscars have gone green! What does that mean? Nobody knows!) that it's getting painful to slog through. I would have been much happier this morning if I had gone to bed at 11 and just looked at the winners list when I woke up this morning.

Such a shame.

Conan O'Brien Plays Base Ball

From Deadspin, here's a link to a hilarious Conan O'Brien piece where Conan visits people playing by 1864 rules:

Another Mushroom Cloud, Another Smoking Gun

Maureen Ryan posts today about the recent spate of mushroom clouds on network TV. Heroes, 24, and Jericho have all shown us a mushroom cloud this season, and Ryan wonders what is causing this confluence.

Obviously I wouldn't be posting about this if I thought the answer was "it's a coincidence." I posted some thoughts in her comments, but I thought I'd flesh them out a bit more here.

I think this epidemic of mushroom clouds is related to collective increased anxiety in the aftermath of September 11th. Mushroom clouds hearken back to the Cold War, of course, but in the current environment they also serve as a stand-in for a simpler time, a time when we knew who our enemies were. The Commies were the bad guys, they ran Russia and Cuba, and they were going to try to kill us by launching hundreds of nuclear bombs at us. The world was going to hell, and we were all going to die, but at least there was comfort in knowing who was going to do it.

Theses days things are much more complicated. The bad guys are everywhere (even in the US!) and they're trying to kill us by sneaking liquid explosives on to our planes, or flying those planes into our buildings, or God knows what else. They don't necessarily run countries (though some of them do) -- they live in caves, or slums, and when we attack them they melt away into the crowded streets and barren hills of the world. The world is still going to hell, but now we have no idea how it's going to get there.

So our Cold War duck-and-cover anxiety has been replaced by a different type of anxiety, one that is more free-form and harder to pin down. But if you listen to the media and the government, it's very real and immediate, and we need to be vigilant all the time because you never know who is going to strike, where, or how.

Given the way the world is today, is it that surprising that our collective psyche has a desire for a simpler, easier to comprehend, enemy? I think it's part-and-parcel with the recent increase in torture-porn, an issue David Edelstein examined a year ago. In a world where real-life bogeymen lurk around every corner, we ask our entertainers to scare and shock us as a way to subconsciously work through our fears.

But here's the thing -- it's been over five years since September 11th, and the images of the planes hitting the towers (or just about anything else related to that day) are still too painful and gut-wrenching for many people to deal with. Look at the "is it too soon" discussion that surrounded the release of United 93, or how instantly freaked out everyone was in the minutes after Corey Lidle's plane crashed into a building on upper east side. It's even worse when these images find their way to a commercial setting -- take a look at this this ad by Le Fondation Nicolas Hulot and tell me how it makes you feel.

As much as people don't want to see the towers falling in an ad, I'll wager they don't want to see them falling in a TV drama, either. But the spectre of terrorism brought to our shores by the attacks of September 11th still lies over much of the country, and that includes our diversions. Savvy entertainers know they can increase their relevance by tapping into the zeitgeist, but since they can't use the Twin Towers, they use the last generation's bogeyman, the threat of nuclear annihilation, as a proxy.

I'm not saying it's a conscious decision. There aren't television executives sitting around going, "damn, I wish we could work a storyline about terrorists crashing a plane into a big building in a major city. But I don't want to be thought of as a crass opportunist, so I'll go with a mushroom cloud instead." I think that when TV writers are searching for the scariest thing they can think of, they go with the thing that scared the crap out of us for the last fifty years, because they know, instinctively, that they can't use the thing that's done it for the last five.