American Idol Rocks The Rock

Tomorrow night's American Idol promises to be the rockiest rockfest rockstravaganza in American history. See, the four remaining contestants are choosing their songs from the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame's "500 Songs that Shaped Rock and Roll." It's a great list -- it has more rap and hip-hop than I expected (of course I only expected one or two rap songs, so it was easy for the list to exceed my expectations), and the early days of rock, blues and R & B are well-represented.

Of course none of that is going to matter on American Idol. Taking a look at the list there are probably 200 songs you can eliminate immediately, and at least a hundred more that, for whatever reason, AI can't get the rights to. That leaves about 200 songs to choose from, and you can rest assured that the eight songs that get chosen from that list will fit firmly into one of two rock genres: either mid-60's Motown/Big-Chill-Soundtrack R&B, or radio-friendly 70s classic rock.

Still, scanning that list got me thinking about what each of these singers should sing. Every year there's a round where the judges pick a song that they thought suited each singer. That's actually happening next week, but this week Syesha, Jason and the Davids can come to me and I'll set them straight.

Here are my suggestions for what each of them should sing, as well as my guesses for what they'll probably end up singing:

David A

SHOULD SING: "A Teenager In Love," "ABC"

David has been flailing about recently, trying to cast himself as a crooner ("America," "Think of Me") and getting away from the lighter, poppy stuff that has made him so popular among the pre-teen set. He needs to get back to the up-temponess of "Shop Around" and "We Can Work It Out" and embrace the fact that he's, you know, 17. What better way than to sing two huge hits by teen singers? OK, Dion was 21 when he sang "A Teenager In Love," but still.

WILL SING: "Good Lovin'" or "Gimme Some Lovin'," "Stand By Me"

I think he will choose to go with a song made famous by a young singer, but he's much more likely to grab something from approved Big Chill/oldies canon. Either of the two "Lovin'" songs would actually be a good choice for him. For his second song, I'm afraid he'll decide to take on one of the hoariest chestnuts in rock history to show off his (to my mind) non-existent "soulful" side.

David C

SHOULD SING: "Jeremy," "Spoonful"

Not since Blake Lewis sang "Virtual Insanity " has there been a better singer-song matchup on AI than David putting his what-passes-for-originality spin on Pearl Jam's first platinum single. If he doesn't sing "Jeremy" then he is dead to me.

WILL SING: "Jeremy," "American Girl"

He should follow it up by grunging up somrthing obscure, like the old Howlin' Wolf classic, but it's much more likely he'll go with something way more middle-of-the-road.

Jason

SHOULD SING: "September Gurls," "Dixie Chicken"

I'm just making this one up. I'd wager Jason has no idea who Alex Chilton and Lowell George are, but both of these songs would be absolutely perfect for his stoner-at-the-beach vibe -- "Gurls is a laid-back love song that doesn't require a singer with much voice, and "Dixie" would get a little grease on Jason, something he desperately needs.

WILL SING: "Maggie May," "People Get Ready"

Unfortunately I see him going a completely different direction -- after scouring the list and being disappointed that "Bubbletoes" and "Mud Football" aren't on it, he'll settle on a comfortable acoustic-guitar-based midtempo rocker, as well as something a little inspirational that might make people remember that one time where he sang the hell out of "Hallelujah."

Syesha

SHOULD SING: "Many Rivers to Cross," "Legs"

"Many Rivers" has the potential to be a show-stopper for someone with the right voice, and I think Syesha has it. Such a deceptively simple, beautiful, powerful song. And what better to follow it up with than a loud, dumb, fun 80s rocker?

WILL SING: "I Never Loved a Man (The Way I Love You)," "We Got the Beat"

I think she'll go for the same duality I suggested, but will fall back on Aretha (never a bad idea, unless you're trying to, you know, sing like her) and a much more user-friendly 80s hit that will showcase her emerging stage presence and personality.

[UPDATE 4/6 2:15 PM]: I've been told by someone with inside information that I got one right! I wasn't able to ask that person which one, but it's gotta be "Jeremy." We'll see tonight.

American Idol This Week

Short post this week -- I watched last night's final performances on a bed in a Rodeway Inn in New Paltz, New York, where we had to stop on our way home from Montreal because I caught the stomach bug that had hit the rest of my family over the weekend.

So, through stomach pain and the non-stop chattering of my two-and-a-half year old as she bounced off the walls, my impressions:

Blake -- Blake was smart to start off with "You Give Love a Bad Name," the performance which put him in the finals in the first place. He was oversinging (perhaps because of the size of the room?) but made good use of the stage and gave a very good performance.

Unfortunately he followed that up with a strange choice, a mid-tempo Maroon 5 song that did nothing to highlight his strengths. His take on their song "This Love" was a big success, but this one was uninspiring, and it played up his main weakness, which is a tendency toward sloppiness in his phrasing.

Plus, paired with the song they both sang ("This Is My Now"), it gave Blake two lackluster songs in a row. Blake must have been pissed when he got this song to start practicing -- not only is it totally out of his comfort (and talent) zone, but it was directly in Jordin's. He didn't stand a chance in a head-to-head competition with her on this song.

Jordin -- Her first number, a take on Christina Aguilera's "Fighter," was well done -- as Simon said, it showed the younger side of Jordin, something which has been missing for most of the season -- but I think she had some enunciation problems because I kept hearing her sing, "thanks for making me fire." I don't know, maybe it was the stomach cramps that were fogging my brain.

She followed it up with a re-hash of "Broken Wing," and I wish she had saved last week's "I Who Have Nothing" for this slot, since I thought she lost a little bit of oomph (yes, that is a technical term) this time through the song. It probably would have been impossible to recapture the feeling of the first time she sang it, as I think that was pretty much the first time people started taking her seriously as a potential finalist.

Any questions about who deserves to win this competition were put to rest when she sang "This Is My Now." It's like the song was written for her -- upbeat, uplifting, full of soaring notes and heartfelt emotion. If Blake wins this thing tonight he ought to give this song to Jordin and let her release it, because I think it'll sell like crazy, whereas no one wants to hear Blake sing it. She performed flawlessly, putting an emotional exclamation point on the season.

For The Night -- Jordin, Blake

For The Season -- Jordin, Blake

Who Should Go Home -- Blake, who is out of his league in a singing competition (as the judges continually reminded us this was) again Jordin. Still, I won't shed any tears for Blake, who has a good chance at being the biggest star out of anyone this season.

Who Will Go Home -- Blake. The people are an ass when it comes to voting throughout the season, but they usually get it right when it comes to the final.

American Idol This Week

It was final three week, with songs chosen by the judges, the producers, and the singers. Overall it was an above-average week, with only a few mis-steps, as you might expect at this stage of the game.

I'll break down all nine performances, starting with Judge's Choice:

Jordin, "Wishing On A Star" (Simon) -- This was a decent peformance, but not one of her best. I'd put it in the middle of the pack for the night, while acknowledging that it would have been near the top in almost any other week.

Blake, "Roxanne" (Paula) -- Paula didn't do Blake any favors with this one; as I've said before, it's very difficult to do The Police well. She may have been thinking that the Police's reggae-inflected rhythms would fit Blake's style, and that may be true, but if that's what she was going for he should have sung "Shadows In The Rain" or "The Bed's Too Big Without You." Of course, neither of those were hits, which is why we got Blake singing "put on the red light" fifty times.

Melinda, "I Believe In You And Me" (Randy) -- After warning so many singers that they shouldn't try to sing Whitney, Randy throws one of Whitney's toughest songs at Melinda and she handles it well. I wasn't impressed with her low range, but overall she did a solid job, and the finale was tremendous.

Judge's round results: Melinda, Jordin, Blake

Now on to Producer's Choice:

Jordin, "She Works Hard For The Money" -- I figure Producer's Choice is the place where Nigel et al try to figure out what sort of songs these guys should record, which makes it seem strange that they picked a 24-year old post-disco track for Jordin. Much like what we saw last week, Jordin wasn't able to overcome what is, at heart, a really boring song. She also ran into a believability problem for me; just like I didn't believe she knew anything about Tommy the dockworker and Gina the waitress, I felt like Jordin had a hard time connecting with Onetta and whatever it is she does.

Blake, "This Love" -- I don't think the producers could have picked a more perfect song for Blake, and he responded by hitting it out of the park. Actually, let me modify my metaphor and say that he hit it a long way, but it just hit the top of the wall and he had to settle for a triple. Maybe it was the wind that kept the ball in the park, or maybe it was the fucking beatboxing. Look, it's cool that he can beatbox, and he does an excellent imitation of a turntablist working the crossfader. But seriously, dog, don't try to cram that into every song! His workout with Sir Mixx-A-Lot (and boy, was that surreal) showed that he has some other beatboxing skills; maybe American Idol audiences aren't ready for the full-on Darren Robinson treatment, but if that's the case don't keep dropping the same, tired crossfade bit into every song.

Now, that said, Blake sang this song really well, and I can totally see him having a huge hit in this style. Just leave the wick-wick-wack out of it.

Melinda, "Nutbush City Limits" -- I had hoped Randy would give Melinda a Tina Turner song, and was happy when the producers did exactly that. It's unfortunate that the one they chose required her to yell "NUTBUSH!" a dozen times, but what are you gonna do? She took on the challenge, though, and nailed the song, even throwing in some nice footwork as well. She's no Tina, but she's the closest thing Idol has to that sort of performer this season.

Producer's round results: Blake, Melinda, Jordin

And finally, the performers got to choose a number. Two of them went back to previous successes, while the resident risk-taker took a risk and went with a new song.

Jordin, "I Who Have Nothing" -- While this didn't reach the heights of her first performance, which served as Jordin's arrival into the endgame discussion all the way back in British Invasion Week, it was a fantastic performance that showed her biggest strength, which is her ability to telegraph vulnerability through her singing. That's one of the big reasons that this one worked and "She Works Hard For The Money" didn't -- Jordin isn't a tough chick, she's a softie, and the songs that let her get that across work the best for her.

Blake, "When I Get You Alone" -- Ugh. This is the Blake we see as often as not: singing mushily, aimlessly wandering around the stage showing us the lining of his jacket, and throwing it random beatbox breaks. More than either of the other remianing candidates, Blake is at the mercy of his song choices -- when he gets a song like "This Love" or "Time Of The Season," he rocks it, but faced with punching up uninteresting material like "Imagine" or "When The Stars Go Blue," he founders. I've now heard two Robin Thicke songs in my life, this one and the one that Thicke himself performed on the show a while back, and that's enough for me.

Melinda, "I'm A Woman" -- A nice performance and an excellent companion to "Nutbush." Melinda has a lot of fun here, getting all attitudinal and letting the backup singers have some, and it works. She is, as has been stated, the consummate pro, the most consistently good singer of the season, and ought to sail through to next week and the eventual big prize.

Performer's round results: Jordin, Melinda, Blake

For the night: Everyone took a round, but only Melinda avoided a last place finish, and Blake's lows were lower than Jordin's. Therefore, it goes Melinda, Jordin, Blake.

For the season: Melinda, Jordin, Blake

Who should go home: Blake, who has shown flashes of real talent, and who probably has a fine career ahead of him, but who is outclassed by both Melinda and Jordin.

Who will go home: Unfortuntaly, I think it's going to be Jordin. Blake has a strong hold on a very vocal, active portion of the coting public, and he has set himself up as different enough from Melinda and Jordin that he'll get through. Jordin has shown the most growth of anyone on the show, and she has a bright future ahead of her, but it won't be as an American Idol winner.

American Idol This Week

Feather your hair and slip into your skin-tight white jeans, because it's Bon Jovi week on American Idol!


Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was pleasantly surprised by last night's show. None of the six remaining contestants are rockers, and I feared an evening of karaoke-level arena-rock strutting and a high cheese factor. Instead we got four good performances and some quality mentoring.

Are you ready to rock?

Phil, "Blaze Of Glory" -- Going into the show, Phil was the only singer who I thought had a shot at shining. When he disclosed that he was a big Jovi fan, though, I feared we'd get a straight karaoke version of this 'Young Guns' chestnut. His rendition was pretty much by-the-book, but it was also the best of the night, an entertaining crowd-pleaser which showed off the strongest part of his voice. When Phil gets voted off tonight (which I'm almost certain he will), he can look back at this performance and country night and be proud.

Jordin, "Living On A Prayer" -- A serious mis-step from Jordin, who couldn't handle the low parts of the song, otherwise know as "the verse." Once she got into the chorus, she was better, but the first verse was beyond bad. Even some rather selfless help from Jon Bon Jovi ("just go ahead and change the melody if you need to") couldn't salvage this one.

Also, for the first time I think Jordin's age worked against her. Say what you want about Jon Bon Jovi's lyrics, but they do capture a specific time, place and attitude. I did not for one second believe this Arizona teenager as she sang about Tommy the dockworker and Gina the waitress.

LaKisha, "This Ain't A Love Song" -- Leave it to late-era Jovi to provide LaKisha with the spark that she's been missing for so long. She took ownership of this song in way she hadn't done since the Jennifer Holliday pinnacle oh-so-long ago. I've been worrying over the last few weeks that one of the unworthy boys would sneak into the top three ahead of Kiki but now I'm hopeful she'll get as far as she deserves.

Blake, "You Give Love A Bad Name" -- Innnnnteresting. I think it says a lot about 'American Idol' that a Doug E. Fresh-meets-311 interpretation of a #1 single could be thought of as "Edgy" or "hip." But in the AI milieu, it was exactly that. Big ups to Blake for doing something interesting and playing to his strengths.

The funny thing is, I think he could have done quite well with a straightforward take on the song. I didn't think he had the voice for it but when he did the choruses "normally" he more than held him own.

Simon said it will garner a love it or hate it reaction from the voting public, and if that's the case he should end up with enough votes to escape elimination.

Chris, "Wanted Dead Or Alive" -- Dropped his esses, sang nasally, inserted runs where they didn't belong, was totally unconvincing as a rocker. Worst performance of the night.

Melinda, "Have a Nice Day" -- Another great performance straight out of the "Fake it 'til you make it" school of rock. It was very obvious that Melinda was unfamiliar not only with Bon Jovi, but possibly with rock music in general. And yet, she was able to connect to something in the music that worked with her style (much as she did on country night), channeling early Tina Turner and effortlessly donning the trapping of the rawk: devil horns, a sneer, and shimmying back-to-back with the guitarist. If she had chugged a fifth of Jack and puked on Randy (and if she hadn't fallen painfully behind the beat at the end of the song), she would have locked up the top spot yet again. Instead, she has to settle for a solid second place on what was a very entertaining show.

For the night: Phil, Melinda, LaKisha, Blake, Jordin, Chris

For the season: Melinda, Jordin, LaKisha, Blake, Phil, Chris

Both LaKisha and Phil were almost, but not quite, good enough to move up a spot.

Who should go home: Phil & Chris

Who will go home: Phil & Chris. Jordin's misstep will be mitigated by her stellar performance last week, while Phil will not be able to over come his.

American Idol This Week

Our six remaining finalists sang "inspirational" songs this week, with their performances interspersed with clips of crushing poverty in the United States and Africa. Forgive me a bit of cynicism, but I'm pretty sure the hat Ryan Seacrest wore on his trip to Africa cost more money than many of those people will see in their lifetimes.

Still, Ryan and Simon seemed genuinely affected by what they saw, and I'm glad that American Idol, which has to be one of the biggest money-makers in the history of televised entertainment, has decided to "give back." I just wish the giving was a bit more involved and, you know, lucrative.

I suppose we'll find out more tonight, but at this point I'm unclear what the corporate sponsors (some of the largest, and in some cases evilest, corporations in the world) are giving, other than generously providing their logos to American Idol for a bit of free advertising time.

Anyway, on to the performances, which broke down very cleanly into two groups. You can split these six finalists by gender or by race and the results are the same: white men can't sing, at least not as well as non-white non-men.

Chris, "Change The World" -- He really has to stop with the vocal acrobatics. Eric Clapton's message, which is a good (if hackneyed) one, gets obscured by all the runs, trills, melisma, and general rococo flourishes that Chris spits out. He was less nasal than usual, which is nice, but overall it was just middle-of-the-road, which at this point doesn't cut it.

Melinda, "There Will Come A Day" -- Another brilliant performance. I've never heard this song (as far as I know), and was shocked to find out it's a Faith Hill song. Melinda started out with sort of sn early 70s "What's Going On" vibe before transitioning into soaring, emotional voice that captured the spirit of the song perfectly. Just fantastic; Jordin has been inching closer and closer to Melinda over he past few weeks but as good as she was, Melinda was better. She deserves to win this competition.

It was also nice for one contestant to disprove the notion that "inspirational" is the same thing as "blandly boring."

Blake, "Imagine" -- As Simon pointed out, this is a hard one to critique. It's hard to sing, too -- it's a simple song, but deceptively so. John Lennon was too smart to be totally straighforward with his message, and while the song seems like a straight-up plea for unity a closer look at the lyrics reveals more than a little subversive thought ("Nothing to kill or die for/And no religion too"). So you have to sing a simple lyric, while finding a way to connect vocally to both the text and the subtext. Blake didn't. He went the boring, safe route, producing a version of the song that ranked, for me, one step above "I'd like to teach the world to sing/In perfect harmony" on the socially-conscious music-o-meter.

Simon's critical bind was evident, too. I mean, as long as the guy is on-key, it's hard to ding him. He's singing "Imagine," for God's sake. You just acknowledge his heartfeltness and move on, I guess.

LaKisha, "I Believe" -- She came dangerously close to shouting again, like she did last week, but I thought she displayed enough vioce control to stay on the proper side of the line. The judges talked quite a bit about the difficulty of singing a Fantasia song, which went over my head because I've never heard a Fantasia song. The main problem I had with this song was with the woeful insipidness (insipidity? insipititude?) of the lyrics. If there was a line in this song that wasn't a cliche I must have missed it.

I thought she did a very good job with it, but her inability to duplicate the brilliance of her early Jennifer Holliday number has relegated her to a place outside the finals in my head.

Phil, "The Change" -- Disappointing after last week's gem. It was obvious from the pre-song clip that this is a very personal song for Phil, and I think that turned out to be a problem. Unlike Blake, who seemed to avoid any emotional connection to his song, Phil was nothing but emotional connection, and the result was a forced shoutiness that didn't make for good singing. You could tell how touched Phil was -- I think if Ryan had said anything to him, he would have started to cry -- but emotional all by itself isn't enough, and in this case the emotion ran over any hint of subtlety that would have greatly improved the performance. Still, it was more good than bad, which is not exactly a ringing endorsement but there you go.

Jordin, "You'll Never Walk Alone" -- I imagine that all over Liverpool and Glasgow there are scores of new Jordin fans thanks to her rendition of their football team's anthem, but in fact the song dates from 1945, and was written by Rodgers & Hammerstein for 'Carousel.'

This was a very strong performance, as Jordin placed small embellishments on top of her strong, solid voice. I don't think it was one of the best performances ever in the history of Americal Idol (I don't actually think it was the bets performance of the night), but it was a great take on a great song and it has, barring some mammoth mis-step, cemented Jordin's place in the final.

For the night: Melinda, Jordin, LaKisha, Phil, Chris, Blake

For the season: Melinda, Jordin, LaKisha, Blake, Phil, Chris

No change, though Phil is inching ever-closer to Blake in the all-important "best male singer in a year of great female singers" category.

Who should go home: With Haley and Sanjaya gone there's no clear consensus, but since none of the guys deserve to win it all, it's time for the three of them to leave.

Who will go home: Tough call this week. Blake was the weakest of the week, but Chris and Phil have spent much more time in the bottom three. I'll say it'll be Phil.

American Idol This Week

We take a break from our schedule of bitching about Comcast to look at last night's American Idol performances.

Martina McBride was the mentor this week, and she didn't get much deeper than the typical platitudes, but she did seem enthusiastic about all the singers, and just so darn nice. Thankfully, that niceness was more than balanced out by Simon, who appears to have reached his breaking point with Sanjaya and really seemed just about ready to pop up out of his chair, adjust his mansierre, and smack Ryan. Now that's good television.

Let's get to the recap, right after Ryan, dressed in his somberest suit, expresses Idol's condolences much more gracefully than anyone else on the show:



(Actually, in all honesty, I though Ryan did a good job of acknowledging what happened at Va Tech. Things like that are hard to do, and Seacrest is actually really good at his job. He's gotta be one of the least tool-y celebrihosts out there.)

Phil, "Where The Blacktop Ends" -- Not bad, which for Phil is pretty good. We find out, 10 weeks into the contest, that Phil is a country guy. The fact that it took so long for that to come out is, I think, Phil's trajectory in a nutshell. Up until this point he's been completely uninteresting and hasn't even made much of an effort to differentiate himself from the pack. This week, he picked a song that suited him, seemed relaxed, and worked the crowd well. The result was one of the better performances of the night.

Jordin, "A Broken Wing" -- The best performance of the season from Jordin, who is really coming on strong. This was a beautiful performance: restrained at the beginning and building well throughout the song. She told the story of the lyrics in a way that few this season (save Melinda) have done.

Sports fans talk about momentum a lot, and I don't know if it means anything there, but I think it does here. As we get closer to the end, it serves a contestant well to have her strongest performances most recently, as Jordin has done. With the continuing, frustrating inability of LaKisha to re-capture her early glory, Jordin has become a strong contender for the final two.

Sanjaya, "Something To Talk About" -- It's a sad thing when a novelty act starts thinking he's something more than that. The fact that he said he picked this song because he has been giving America something to talk about is just pitiful. The performance was typical crap -- flat almost all the way through, mush-mouthed, and completely missing the joy present in the lyrics. I honestly believe that, with practice, I could sing as well as Sanjaya. Seriously. And I'm nearly tone-deaf.

The only good thing about it was that it brought Simon closer to the snapping point than we've seen him in a long, long time.

LaKisha, "Jesus Take The Wheel" -- Disappointing on a couple of levels. After her transcendent performance of "And I Am Telling You" early on, LaKisha has struggled. I'm getting to the point where I think that performance was an aberration rather than an indication of her talent level.

This week, she started off boring, struggling to keep up with the crowded lyrics, and when she broke into the chorus she seemed shouty. There was a harshness to her voice that didn't fit the tone of either the song or the performance.

Chris, "Mayberry" -- I hear this song way more than I want to because the guys in the shop play the country station. It's got a ridiculously huge hook at the beginning of the chorus, but Chris was so focused on his verbal gymnastics that he rolled right over it. Plus he got into it with Simon after the performance before dropping an awkward Va Tech sympathy shout-out, making what was surely a heart-felt moment seem both desperate and calculating.

And he still came out looking better than Simon, who issued one of the most ill-advised eye rolls in the history of live television. Well played.

Melinda, "Trouble Is A Woman" -- Melinda went to the end of the country spectrum that suits her, the honky-tonk side with a bit of soul thrown in. The judges' reference to Tina Turner was spot on -- country and soul have a lot in common and Melinda bridged the gap very skillfully. Another excellent performance.

Blake, "When The Stars Go Blue" -- I didn't even know Tim McGraw had done this song -- Ryan Adams must have been psyched when that happened, though he probably acted all tough and claimed it was an embarrassment. Then he bought some more cars or cocaine or whatever he wanted to spend his huge royalty checks on.

Anyway, this was a weak performance from Blake. The falsetto was especially problematic -- he was pitchy, and to compound that he slammed gracelessly between the falsetto and non-falsetto notes. He was, however, not quite as graceless as Simon, who careened from critiquing Blake to expressing his sadness at the Blacksburg shootings without even pausing for breath.

For the night: Jordin, Melinda, Phil, LaKisha, Blake, Chris, Sanjaya

For the season: Melinda, Jordin, LaKisha, Blake, Phil, Chris, Sanjaya

Jordin and Phil move up a notch at the expense of LaKisha and Chris, while Blake misses an opportunity to put himself in the end-game discussion.

Who should go home: Sanjaya, of course.

Who will go home: Chris. I don't think petulance plays well, especially when it's coupled with a sub-par performance.

American Idol This Week

Things got a little weird last night as I saw human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, and Sanjaya giving one of the best performances of the week.

It was a pretty lackluster week overall -- Jennifer Lopez acted as mentor, revelling in her latina bona fides, teaching Chris the proper pronunciation of "muñequita," trying to show Jordan how to move sultrily, and having all of the performers sit at her feet while she tossed out pearls of wisdom from her barstool perch -- but the one thing it taught me is that if you don't have the Latin heat, you can't fake it.


Among American Idol's "Latin" Performers

Melinda, "Sway" -- The first of many singers trying, and failing, to go outside of their comfort zones. Her attempts at feeling the Latin heat were stilted and she came nowhere close to the sexiness Paula claimed she embodied, and she shouldn't try. I really think she should be going for classy sophistication instead of sex appeal. Still, she looked great (tm Paula), her voice was excellent, and even in an off week she was among the top performers.

LaKisha, "Conga" -- Mis-step number two. It must be extremely difficult to sing and negotiate one's way through the crowd, and LaKisha showed she doesn't have the ability to do both at the same time. Trying to remember her choreography left her vocals flat and rote, two things that are bad when the song you're singing doesn't have much going for it. In order to do well with this song she needed to sing the hell out of it, and she didn't. Both top contenders faltered, leaving the door open for someone else to join the party.

Chris, "Smooth" -- I'm not very musically intelligent (in fact I'm nearly tone deaf) so I can't tell for sure, but it seemed like Chris completely ignored the one piece of advice we saw J-Lo give him, which was to do the song one step higher than he originally planned to. In the rehearsal clip we saw him sing the last line ("give me your heart/make it real/or else forget about it") and it sounded good, but when he started his performance I thought, "geez, how low would this have been if he hadn't gone up a step?" And then he got to the end and it sounded nothing like it had before.

Someone with some music experience, tell me -- did he actually take the song up a step, or not? Whatever he did, he managed to give us a decent, but by no means stellar, performance of one of the best songs of the last decade.

Haley, "Turn The Beat Around" -- Awful. Just terrible. Nothing else to say.

Phil, "Maria Maria" -- I had high hopes for Phil when I heard he was doing this song. I thought it would work well in his high register. But his voice cracked a couple of times and that sort of overshadowed anything positive about the performance.

Jordin, "The Rhythm Is Gonna Get You" -- The third front-runner who tried (and failed) to break out of her comfort zone, or so she said. The thing is, she's been doing very well singing light, fun songs and bopping around the stage, so she should have nailed this one, and she didn't. I'm not sure exactly what happened other than, as Keith Chaffee points out, she didn't enunciate crisply enough to let the rhythm of the lyrics come through.

Blake, "I Need To Know" -- Best performance of the night. Excellent song choice, good charisma, no beatboxing, and a solid vocal. For the first time, someone other than LaKisha or Melinda took the prize.

Sanjaya, "Besame Mucho" -- So help me, this didn't suck. Actually, I'll go further and say that, in a week that saw most of the other contestants falter, Sanjaya gave one of the best performances of the night. It wasn't enough to lift him out of the cellar, but for one night he was something other than the biggest joke in the history of American Idol.

For the night: Blake, Melinda, Jordin, Chris, Sanjaya, LaKisha, Phil, Haley

For the season: Melinda, LaKisha, Jordin, Blake, Chris, Phil, Haley, Sanjaya

Who should go home: Haley, of course.

Who will go home: Phil, probably, though I'm worried about LaKisha and The Mandisa Effect; I hope America won't take her first stumble as the opportunity to vote off the large African-American woman.

American Idol This Week

Last night the contestant got to spend some time with a master, as Tony Bennett and his luxurious head of hair gave the singers a lesson on how to sing. Bennett was up to the task, doling out specific instructions, most of which were heard and then immediately ignored. People. When Tony Bennett is giving advice about how to interpret a song, LISTEN TO HIM.


This man knows what he's talking about.

This week's performances fell neatly into three groups of three: good, flawed, and exit-worthy.

Blake, "Mack The Knife" -- Blake started off the night well enough, keeping the dancing to a minimum and dropping some scat (which sounds grosser than it is) at the end. We had another disconnect between the lyrics and the performance, though, as Blake smiled his way through a song about a serial killer ("On the sidewalk/One Sunday morning/Lies a body/Oozin' life"). It's not too surprising, considering that Bobby Darin's hit version of the song uses a translation (Bertolt Brecht wrote the song in German) that leaves off the last two verses, which were later translated thusly:

And the ghastly fire in Soho,
Seven children at a go
In the crowd stands Mack the Knife, but
He's not asked and doesn't know.

And the child bride in her nightie,
Whose assailant's still at large
Violated in her slumbers
Mackie how much did you charge?

Creepy. Phil would have been a better fit for this song, and I think it would have turned out better...

Phil, "Night And Day" -- ...than this. First, though, let me say Phil looks so much better with just the slightest bit of hair. It makes him look almost normal. And yes, I am rocking this recap Paula-style by leading with a comment about the singer's looks, because the performance wasn't very good. Phil turned out to be the first singer of the night to ignore Tony Bennett's advice, as he slid through the lyircs instead of singing them in the staccato style Bennett suggested.

Melinda, "I've Got Rhythm" -- Another fantastic performance from the clear leader of the show. Everything about it was perfect,and I'm beginning to wonder if Melinda will every make a mistake on this show.

Chris, "Don't Get Around Much Anymore" -- When I saw him with that hat on, I was afraid he was going to do one of Sinatra's signature tunes, but instead he went with this Duke Ellington chestnut and did an excellent job. He stayed out of his high range, where he tends to get nasally, and moved around the stage well. A fine performance.

Jordin, "On A Clear Day" -- Another very nice performance from Jordin, who capped off a spirited, albeit by-the-numbers, performance with a fantastic long note. Did I mention she's adorable? I think she has an excellent chance of ending up in the Final Two, once America turns on either Melinda or LaKisha for not being cute enough.

Gina, "Smile" -- Poor Gina. After her lite-FM gloss on The Pretenders went over so well, she could be forgiven for thinking that's where she should go with this Charlie Chaplin number. Truth be told, there are very few songs in the "standards" genre that are ripe for rocking out; it's hard to imagine that Harold Arlen or Sammy Cahn wrote anything that would have fit comfortably in Gina's wheelhouse. Still, she managed to totally miss the juxtaposition of despair and hope that informs this song, opting instead for a "keep your chin up" reading that dumbed it down considerably.

Sanjaya, "Cheek To Cheek" -- Even the always-positive Bennett had a hard time saying anything constructive about Sanjaya; he ended up with some platitude about him "always showing up." I will give him credit for realizing his strengths and playing to them:" this week he sang a bit of his song directly at a pre-pubescent girl in the front row, and gave Paula Abdul a quick twirl, all the while taking a song that was pure white bread when Fred Astaire sang it and making it even more boring. That said, I actually don't think his was the worst performance of the night, because of...

Haley, "Ain't Misbehavin'" -- ...this. Haley obviously thought that a song with "misbehavin'" in the title would be a perfect accompaniment to her sex kitten persona, and that would have worked well for her if Tony Bennett hadn't gone to the trouble of actually, you know, reading the lyrics. At least, Bennett was able to convince Haley to drop the Betty Boop-ish "and you and you and you" she was planning to sing. I appreciate that America has seen fit to keep this eye candy around, and I'm hoping she's here for another few weeks just so we can see just how short of a skirt she can wear without Fox having to resort to showing her only from the waist up.

LaKisha, "Stormy Weather" -- Ill-advised Bill Withers lyrical addition aside, this was a great performance. The Idol blogosphere seems to be splitting apart on the Melinda vs. LaKisha question, so I'll stake my claim on the pro-Melinda side. The main difference between the two for me is that when LaKisha is interpreting a song, you can see her doing it, while for Melinda it seems as natural as breathing. To pull in another art, it's the difference between a good actor and a great one. The great actors make you believe that they are inhabiting the character they're playing, while the merely good aren't talented enough to mask the techniques they use. So when LaKisha stomps her feet, or makes a sweeping arm gesture, I think "she's interpreting the song," but when Melinda does it, I don't notice it, I just feel the emotion she's trying to get me to feel. LaKisha is still a strong #2 in my book, but she hasn't been able to close the gap for the last few weeks.

For the night: Melinda, LaKisha, Jordin, Chris, Blake, Gina, Phil, Sanjaya, Haley

Sanjaya ekes his way out of last place for the first, and probably only, time. And just to be clear, he didn't beat Haley as much as Haley lost to him.

For the season: Melinda, LaKisha, Jordin, Chris, Gina, Blake, Phil, Haley, Sanjaya

Both of last week's position swaps (Gina-Chris and Phil-Blake) are reversed, and Chris cements his spot at the top of the crop on the guys side.

Who should go home: Haley.

Who will go home: Phil, Gina and Haley will be the bottom three, but Haley's safe for another week. This looks like the end of the road for Sailor Phil.

American Idol This Week

This week saw Gwen Stefani sit in the coach's chair as the contestants sang songs that "inspired" her. Given that theme, it's a little strange that three chose to sing No Doubt songs, putting Stefani in the difficult position of critiquing people singing songs that she wrote. In one case, it wasn't a huge problem as Jordin did a surprisingly good job with a risky song, but I can only imagine Stefani's reaction after she heard what Chris R. did to her biggest hit, or when Sanjaya told her he was going to sing "Bathwater."

In fact, I don't have to imagine it, because yesterday Idolator linked to a leaked report from yesterday's dress rehearsal which said Stefani went to Executive Producer Nigel Lithgoe and said she did not want Sanjaya singing one of her songs. I can't say I blame her, as I don't want Sanjaya singing any song I have ever heard, or even might hear in the future.


Screen cap courtesy of Idolator

On to the recaps and rankings:

Lakisha, "Last Dance" -- A good performance, but she loses points because it's a really boring song. Melinda ran into the same problem later and handled it better -- it was very interesting to see the two strongest competitors sing songs from the same artist in the same week. It made a head-to-head comparison easier, and I think LaKisha came out on the losing end.

Chris S., "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" -- I hope that hearing Chris stumble through this song will accord Sting a bit more respect for his vocals. This is a really hard song to do -- the interplay between Sting's vocal and Stewart's drumming holds together perfectly but tenuously, and removing either element (or, in this case, both) can turn this song into a train wreck. I think I've seen enough Chris Sligh.

Gina, "I'll Stand By You" -- after last week's "Paint It Black" debacle, Gina needed to come out strong, and she did. Chrissie Hynde is a tough singer to emulate, but Gina picked one of her most conventional songs and gave it just the slightest bit of Adult Contemporary sheen, while still sticking with the original melody. One of the best performances of the night.

By the way, D Jo totally wants her skull cameo.

Sanjaya, "Bathwater" -- If he hadn't already, Sanjaya has now crossed over into joke territory. All of the discussion of his hair only serves to obscure the fact that he forgot the words to the song, just like Gwen suggested he might. He forgot the words to a song by one of his favorite artists, which he was preparing to sing on the top-rated television show in America? Give me a break.

Next week (because he will be around next week), I expect Simon to just flat-out refuse to say anything abut Sanjaya's performance.

Haley, "True Colors" -- Pretty girl. Shame about the song choice. Where Gina's adult contemporization helped her, Haley's decision to take Cyndi Lauper's vulnerable ballad into Shania territory underscored her main problem, which is that she's not a very good singer.

As an aside, I hit Wikipedia to see if Lauper wrote "True Colors" or if it was a Rob Hyman composition, like "Time After Time." Turns out it was written by Billy Steinberg & Tom Kelly, who wrote a ton of hits for female singers in the '80s, including "Like A Virgin," "Sex As A Weapon," "So Emotional," "Eternal Flame," "Alone," and "I Touch Myself." Pretty impressive. Oh, and they co-wrote "I'll Stand By You," the song Gina sang, as well.

Phil, "Every Breath You Take" -- A surprisingly self-assured vocal from Phil, who I like more and more each week. A surprisingly lucid and helpful Paula dinged him for being "boring" in the verses, but that's how the song is written, and I'm glad he didn't try to add too much there. He got to show off his voice on the bridge, and did a fine job. Since so many people erroneously think this is a beautiful love song, I appreciated that he rocked the creepy-stalker vibe a little bit. Or maybe that's just the way his eyes always are.

Melinda, "Heaven Knows" -- Randy and Paula's comments about Melinda inhabiting the song and telling a story were spot on here. She does what most of the other singers can't manage to do, which is get inside the song and understand what it's about. Haley was smiling while she sang "True Colors," for God's sake! Melinda's professionalism allowed her to once again elevate a boring song and make it worth listening to. My only knock on her is that her arm gestures are awfully backup-singerish, but it's a small quibble. I am prepared to be ashamed of the American people (well, more than I already am) if Melinda doesn't win this competition.

Blake, "Love Song" -- The comments about how much the judges liked his arrangement of this song tell me that they've never heard the execrable 311 cover from the 50 First Dates soundtrack. They managed to take a spare, simple song (which I once quoted in a birthday card to my wife) and muck it up with watered-down reggae beats, and Blake did nothing but perpetuate that monumental error. He does move up one notch for not beatboxing or popping and locking, though.

Jordin, "Hey Baby" -- A huge risk that really paid off. This is barely a song, as even Gwen Stefani tacitly acknowledged when she praised Jordin for making it more musical than she thought it could be. Jordin's take was sassy, which is an adjective I feel should only be used when describing comely, lissome 17-year-olds competing on American Idol. She did a great job of actually singing the verses, avoiding the temptation to imitate Stefani's rapped/sung style, and still managed to avoid getting tripped up by all the words. Well done.

Chris R., "Don't Speak" -- One theme that ran through this week's song choices was simplicity -- I would classify fully half of this week's song as simple. But simple doesn't necessarily mean boring, and the singers who did the best with the "simple" songs this week (Gina, Phil) did the least to them.

I felt Gwen's pain on this one, as Chris took her biggest hit and rendered it just about unrecognizable. His "verbal Olympics" obscured the basic structure of the song and impaired his ability to connect with it. He may still be the top male performer in the competition, but he didn't show it tonight.

For the night: Melinda, Gina, Jordin, LaKisha, Phil*, Blake, Chris R., Haley, Chris S., Sanjaya

* -- Just like on the New York Times sales charts, an asterisk means a singer's rank is barely distinguishable from that of the singer above.

For the season: Melinda, LaKisha, Jordin, Gina, Chris R., Phil, Blake, Chris S., Haley, Sanjaya

Gina passes Chris R., and Phil and Blake swap spots. If America would just vote Haley off, we'd have a clean division between the women on top and the men bringing up the rear. And yes, there were two sexual innuendos in that sentence.

Who should go home: Let's just stipulate that Sanjaya shouldn't be here. Given that, it wouldn't upset me to say goodbye to Chris Sligh or Haley either.

Who will go home: One of the Chrises, either the deserving Sligh or last week's surprise bottom-two member Richardson.

American Idol This Week

I meant to start doing this last week, but, uh, didn't. So here's my first weekly wrap-up of the American Idol performances. I figure this is a good use of my time because no one is doing anything like this on the entire Internet. (I totally ripped off this format from Keith Chaffee, who posts weekly on The Well's TV conference, by the way. Just so you know.)

Last night's episode will be remembered for two things -- good song choices across the board, and this girl:



At least we now know why Sanjaya is still around.

On to the performances:

Haley, "Tell Him" -- Paula gave us her standard "if you can't say something nice about the performance, compliment the singer's looks" response. To be fair, Haley has amazing legs, and the rest of her isn't bad, either. Well, except for the voice. She should never have made it to the final 12, and this performance didn't do anything to change that.

Chris R., "Don't Let The Sun Catch You Crying" -- Guest judge Peter Noone gave the first good piece of advice for the night when he told Chris to make sure not to change the main melody line. This was a decent performance, especially the first half. He started to strain in the second half and got super-nasally, which he does a lot, but still it was the best male performance of the night.

Stephanie, "You Don't Have To Say You Love Me" -- This was Stephanie's first mis-step and it was a big one. She looked nervous from the moment she started singing, and her tendency to drag behind the beat did not serve her well of a song that needs to be sung crisply. I give her credit for trying a ballad instead of her typical Beyonce-lite fare, but this was a bad performance.

Blake, "Time Of The Season" -- Just enough beatboxing to be interesting, and not too much to get in the way of the song. He really strained to reach the notes at the end of the chorus, though, and that dropped him from 1st to 4th among a tightly-bunched field of guys. Also, he needs to stop with the little moonwalk/pop-and-locking, because he really isn't very good at it.

LaKisha, "Diamonds Are Forever" -- First, a quibble. How is this a "British Invasion" song? It came out in 1971, for God's sake! Anyway, the performance was good, maybe even very good, but you could tell that she wasn't comfortable with the song as she basically ended up singing it just like Shirley Bassey had. Still, it was well done. I worry that LaKisha is becoming a victim of her own early success, as the judges (and possibly America) expect her to be sensational every week.

Phil, "Tobacco Road" -- I apparently liked this better than most people did. It was a fun performance that still managed to show off Phil's voice. The only change he's going to have to win the competition (and it's a longshot) will be to position himself as the good-time fun guy, and this was a good start.

Jordin, "I Who Have Nothing" -- Fantastic. I've been a fan of Jordin since the beginning and was psyched to see her put it all together. On an episode where Lulu told a couple of people that they needed to "get" the songs they were singing, I wouldn't have expected a 17-year-old to so completely inhabit a song like this, but she did. The best vocal of the night, and one of the best of the season.

Sanjaya, "You Really Got Me" -- I started cringing the second he told Peter Noone he was thinking about this song and didn't stop until he was done. There's nothing else to say about Sanjaya; he's terrible and he needs to go, but he won't as long as the Ashleys of America keep voting. Also, I think that if you don't ever bother to sing the title of the song, choosing instead to go with a series of "uh-huhs" and "yeahs" as the background singers sing it, you should leave. Immediately.

Gina, "Paint It Black" -- This song absolutely kicked her ass. I see why Lulu told her to take it up a half-step; even with that it was painful to hear her try to growl her way through the low notes at the open. She was all over the place, lost in a song that she thought was a rocker but which is actually a rather baroque piece of proto-psychedelia. Also, she loses huge points for changing the lyrics at the end: it's not "I want to see the sun flying high in the sky," it's "I want to see the sun blotted out from the sky." Because you want to PAINT IT BLACK. Black as NIGHT. It's sort of what the song is about. Maybe Lulu should have told her that.

Chris, "She's Not There" -- It's hard for me to judge this one as it's one my all-time favorite songs. He did a passable version, I guess, and he took Lulu's exhortation to understand the song to heart, even telling the judges that it was a dark song about "a girl who's not there" -- really, Chris? Is that what it's about? -- but to quote Randy, it wasn't my best performance by him for me.

Melinda, "As Long As He Needs Me" -- more excellence from Melinda, who took a boring Broadway number and made me pay attention. I worry about Melinda (and LaKisha), though -- they are clearly the two best vocalists on the show but I fear that one mis-step will give America the excuse it needs to vote them off in favor of a better-looking but less-talented contestant.

For the night: Jordin, Melinda, LaKisha, Chris R., Chris S., Phil, Blake, Stephanie, Gina, Haley, Sanjaya
For the season: Melinda, LaKisha, Jordin, Stephanie, Chris R., Gina, Blake, Phil, Chris S., Haley, Sanjaya

Who should go home: Sanjaya, Sanjaya, a million times Sanjaya.
Who will go home: Haley, out of a bottom three of Haley, Phil and Sanjaya.